this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2025
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cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/57579403

If anyone needs a transcript I'll write it.

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[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 2 days ago

I shall abuse these toaster powers thoroughly and for my own amusement. Every toaster on the planet will go off at the same time!

[–] MrMobius@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I'm torn. Kinda curious about what oysters are thinking, but pretty sure Einstein could run faster than me.

I don’t think he can run very fast now though 🤔

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It doesn't specify Einstein's age. Plus this ability would be priceless for people in wheelchairs.

[–] MrMobius@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Didn't think about the wheelchair thing, good point. Anyway, I got a shitty cardio, during most of his time on earth, old Albert who have beaten me in a 100m sprint.

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago
[–] Matombo@feddit.org 4 points 2 days ago
  1. and scan the sam artists with their cups back!
[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

Please, someone tell me where I can find a full Sub of these! I love these so much.

[–] Paid_in_cheese@lemmings.world 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

If I grow a second nose, will it also be stuffed up? If so, I choose teleportation. I know it's only 7 inches but that's enough to get around most doors so it's still useful.

[–] brotundspiele@feddit.org 2 points 1 day ago

Both noses will be running all the time, but just as fast as the noses of Albert Einstein.

[–] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 4 points 2 days ago

That depends on how thick both you and the door are. Still, its probably the best one there.

[–] HelloHotel@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

"What is the meaning of toaster?" Is a powerful question. Either able to push buttons and push levers down if the intent is toasting bread, or making a heat coil glow with the intent of cooking bread. Either way, the nuclear industry would be ratically altered. Theres also just a industrial toast factory secretly sponsored by big "nuclear" deticated to making, shipping and toasting bread as slowly as possable. With propaganda for toast simmar to "Got Milk?"

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 8 points 2 days ago

cureently doing a massive landscape job, then moving to a friend's place for same and putting in a bunch of paving. free gravel pls

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 days ago

I COULD DO SO MUCH MORE COCAINE WITH ANOTHER NOSE

[–] criitz@reddthat.com 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

3 will get you past most any locked door or fence.

[–] brotundspiele@feddit.org 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Only if you are thinner than 7" minus the thickness of the door. Otherwise, you would teleport right into the door, which (I assume) might be quite painful.

[–] criitz@reddthat.com 4 points 2 days ago

Good point.. It's not as far as I thought

[–] loops@beehaw.org 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

EAsy way to lose weight though. Who needs weak flesh amiright

[–] brotundspiele@feddit.org 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

You can just teleport 7 inches backwards after lunch. As the contents of your stomach isn't you, it will stay inert and fall to the floor. You can eat all you want if you don't have to digest it.

Just remember to stand up beforehand or you'll end up intermingled with your chair having chewed up cheeseburger all over your lap.

[–] Zelaf@sopuli.xyz 8 points 2 days ago

Speaking a dead language would be cool. Maybe teach it to others and read into the history, etymology and people of it. Talk to historians and what not.

[–] Haaveilija@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Who defines what is a toaster? Could the whole universe be considered one since it heats up bread? Yes, it does some other stuff in the process but so do some other toasters.

[–] xorollo@leminal.space 4 points 2 days ago

Since we are toasted, yep

[–] x4740N@lemm.ee 7 points 2 days ago

There's no rule saying I can't pick more than one so

2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8

[–] this@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I think 3 is the most useful. You can use it to reach things just out of your height range and maybe as a party trick. I'm sure there are other uses for it too, given enough time I could probably think of some other uses too.

[–] hazl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago

There's no mention of a cool down. You can repeat it as soon as you've fully materialised at the first 7–inch destination. Assuming teleportation is immediate, and there's no refractory period, the distance limit is effectively meaningless.

[–] Alice@beehaw.org 6 points 2 days ago

I could turn a lil profit off the gravel, surely.

[–] kspatlas@kbin.earth 5 points 2 days ago

toaster control, if there's no limits I can fire toast as fast as a bullet

[–] crawancon@lemm.ee 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

for me 🤔it's a toss up between 1 and 2.

1 can lead me to pearls = money 2 I can create a gravel for sale business = money.

I guess I choose 1 just to communicate with something weird. 2 is the easier one.

[–] bus_factor@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just because you can communicate with them doesn't mean they want to talk to you.

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[–] Hastur@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago

Looking 10 hours younger would go crazy as an autopsy thing in a murder mystery

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

How often can you teleport?

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 days ago

Control the toaster in a smart home that's connected to the system and hack into the security system to kill the inhabitants and hand over the building to homeless and mutual aid organizations #eattherich

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