Americans.
this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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This is something that bothers me. Every time something like this come up, there is a non-trivial crowd of people saying things like "no shit. In the right circle, everyone known for a long time". Often they come with specific anecdotes that should raise all the red flags.
Well, I had no idea. Not a clue. And it's not like I was not interested. I was fallowing his work, social media... live in general. He was a very close friend with a woman who was vocal about being an abuse victim. Nobody told her?
Even in the power of hindsight, when I was looking for articles or comments from the past, there was not a lot. I found like one, "there is nothing he wouldn't do to lure a goth girl" (paraphrased), that got zero traction.
If there were signs, why did we let that happen? What can I do, not to fall for something like this again?
Hulk Hogan
Romantic relationships as promoted by society. After dating so many different types of men and always being let down, I've decided it's not worth my time.
And after hearing so many stories of cheating partners doing shady shit, breaking people's hearts, perpetrating abuse, gambling life savings away, etc., I've decided it's a bunch of BS that either works for very few people, or you need to seriously compromise and overlook a lot of shit with the average person. And I'm so done with that and I'm also frustrated and jaded.
So now when I see a couple all lovey dovey i see them with derision and I start to wonder how long they have until the inevitable breakup or if one of them is doing some shit on the side.
On average, only 14% of those in a couple say they are not very or not at all satisfied with their relationship with their spouse or partner, while 84% say they are somewhat or very satisfied.
And this
The failure rate for first marriage is roughly 48%, 60% for second and 70% for third marriages [source], but at the same time, in 2019 for every 1000 marriages, only 7.6 resulted in divorce, which is the lowest divorce rate in the past 50 years.
So I would not say it is that rare to live happy married life. But it is not like everyone is getting this life. With a hard work I think it is totally possible and is not that rare at all... Although none of those studies give a direct answer on how many happy lifelong relationships there are. One can conclude somewhere between 30-40% of relationships are happy lifelong relationship. And even if this number is lower like 10-20% this is still a very significant number.
When I talk about relationships with my sister she has similar view as you. She can almost never see a truly happy relationship. While I can see it everywhere
It turned out our environments are drastically different. For example she met all of her partners at parties. This is not a general population. While I met my wife in school.
I made most of my friends in school or at work or from being a neighbor (ie owning a house). Most of them are educated and with higher income. If I remember correctly those also have better statistics for relationship success. While my sisters friends are none of that.
I believe it would be wise for you to check if your environment screwed your view too.
Whoa, that's a very nice reply! Thank you, and thank you for taking it seriously, too. I was being downvoted and I was hoping you hadn't taken the question the wrong way. I'm glad that's not the case because I'm genuinely curious.
Ah, I should've stated that I'm gay. That's the biggest factor. It feels like it multiplies all those percentages by a way smaller fraction because the dating pool is a puddle. I honestly don't see many people that I like who would be interested in a monogamous relationship because I think queer culture in my country has different priorities, so it feels like it raises the stakes and the pressure every time I give a relationship a go with someone who seems compatible. I've even changed my views to match the culture, but no luck yet.
And let me just vent this, but my luck has run so ridiculously bad that even the guy who bragged about having had three different 5-year relationships and got me starry-eyed left out that his last one had been abusive for years and tried that shit on me too. These things tend to linger in my mind, y'know? It's rough out there.
I down vote stuff for many reasons. In your case it was disagreeing with your view. This next reply I upvoted because I liked your nice response.
I can see only having gay dating pool could screw that statistics by a lot. I admit I do not know a lot about gay community. While I know the (not sure how real) stereotype about way more common one night relationships. I still think this still varies a lot depending on whre you are searching.
Homosexuals I know (in my environment) are all in a very long relationships. My gay neighbors have been married for 10+ years. My gay schoolmate has been in a relationship for a few years and I have no doubt they will eventually marry and live a very happy life.
While I can imagine those percentage being lower in gay community I still believe they are quite significant. Maybe you just have to search in a different environment.
I'm in a similar boat on the opposite side of the aisle.
Oh, interesting, how do you mean?
Other than the usual ACAB and distrust of government.
Probably parents.
I used to think they actually looked out for my interests.
Now I know the harsh reality is that:
No one, not your parents, not your siblings, not even your "best" friends, literally no one will care about you. Its every person for themselves
Aaron Rogers.
I took to kindly, although I was not entirely onboard with, the idea of American exceptionalism.