Asklemmy

One of the more interesting posts I've seen here

Just wanted to say I was here for this.

Okay but why?

Such an oddly terrifying post.

I was here

The important first step is preparation. You need to clean the pipes. There should be nothing left inside you before you commence on the trip. So take some laxatives and do some cleaning. After you’re thoroughly pristine you must only consume a clear liquid diet, so clear juices and soft drinks (make sure you consume the full sugar version because that’s how you’ll get your energy). Take a multivitamin each day. On the second or third day take an Imodium, this is likely overkill but you won’t poop. Return to a normal diet on the third day but do so gradually over the course of a day or two. I cannot guarantee that this method will not damage your health and the risk will likely be greater if you have other health conditions, but you wont poop sooo.

nothing to suggest but i'm absolutely fascinated by your post, op. please post results.

Tbf, there's a difference between knowing instinctively that someone poops and being first-hand witness to the godawful stench of post-chipotle bowel movement in an area with poor air circulation (AC aside).

Crush is definitely involved though.

I dont have any advice. Just wanted to day I was here before the reason was revealed.

I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.

As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?

Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.

hold it in

Just use the MRE's you've no doubt been issued for beast week and stop complaining. Also hide your phone trainee, the MTI's are coming.

This is amazing.

Do you need energy? So there's something called the pineapple diet (please ask your doctor first) where you eat pineapple for three days to lose weight. Biggest problem here is the spam, so I guess you'd have to use some sort of food that can be rehydrated like soylent.

Cheese.

Would love an update haha

It's okay.

I'll poop for your share too, friend.

Breast milk has very few undigestible solids. Just saying.