The economy is so shit, eldrich skinwalkers are doing gig work for Amazon.
this post was submitted on 19 Jun 2025
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I know. We need murderback.
Look, native american people have their needs. Landback makes sense for them. It's justice, i think. But it really doesn't serve the creatures who traditionally haunt the nightmares of this great land.
And they deserve justice too.
As much as id like to be murdered by a hot ancient regime countess who would drink me like a fucking milkshake, or be changeling'd by the fair folk, i think justice calls for me to be devoured so that, I hope, for one brief moment, might bring partial relief to a wendigo's boundless hunger.
If you live in a rural area they're better at delivering if it's real muddy out.
They only use people with the best traction on their skin.
So uhmm... Is there maybe an extra option to have intercourse with said creature?
Im having the skin walker bring this book. Will ask it politely to wait while I unwrap it.
What's even supposed to be scary about skinwalkers? That they can shape shift? That's not scary. That's badass!
What’s scary about something using your appearance to menace the people you love? Gee, I can’t imagine. /s
maybe don't be such a dick to the skinwalker. take it out for pizzas and beer. share some weed. rent some ebikes and do wheelies. go jaywalking in front of the police station in Santa Monica together. become besties.
Make sweet sweet love to it so I can finally know what I’m like in bed.
Huh? What? No, I didn’t say anything…
and that's when you get it with the old fork in the eye
The forking is the best part.
so, uh, meet at the santa monica police station for some jaywalking and light makeouts?
How YOU doin’?
this amazon job does not pay nearly well enough
those jaywalks were lousy
But what about the forking?
i dunno how's your eye feel?
It’s completely forked, tbh.
then all good on my end i guess
Yeah, wouldn't do anything i haven't managed myself.
It's not the shapeshifting itself, but the fact that they're malevolent beings.
Don't skin walkers try to steal your skinin order for shape shift into you? Plus, I don't know if they kill you first before stealing, but I was under the assumption one dies after an encounter with them.
I mean.... Don't you want to see if they're forreal?
Yes. See. And absolutely not get godly skincare tips. Or see what it's like to go down on myself. Or...
Hey, if it wants to replace me and take over my life it can fucking have it.
I'd take that gamble for a chance at some whimsey. What else I doing with my life.
Alright so you have 4 days to plan an alleged Luigi and execute it that morning. Hide out locally near your home and either the skin walker may get arrested instead.. or you may have reasonable doubt that it wasn't you in the security footage.
Counter point: just let it play up an absolutely infallible alibi. Don't get too caught at the scene.