I think so, yes. Really have always felt precarious but I honestly think that's just acknowledging reality, we are in a precarious situation. Surfing, not walking on land. But I am at ease with it, if that makes sense. I am very happy to be physically embodied and alive, and at this moment also quite healthy, I know we don't get to be alive forever so want to enjoy this.
this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2023
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Nope lol. Struggled with depression years ago, and it came back a few months ago. I'm not suicidal, but it's just hard to beat this shit back into submission.
Depression 2: Electric Fucking Boogaloo...
Also doesn't help that I'm sick atm and can't see my family over Christmas because of that. Can't even eat a proper Christmas dinner, 'cause I'd puke it all up. At least my partner is with me, so that makes it a little more bearable.
No, not really. Feeling left behind. I’d say I was celebrating alone, but I don’t have anything to celebrate. So I’m just getting high to pass the time.
I'm not OK. I'm not super un-OK, but this time of year puts me in a dark mood.
I promise I'm not trying to be edgy in saying this, but I fucking HATE the holidays. Everybody puts so much pressure on things being a certain way, especially because it's a religious holiday. I'm atheist, my mom is catholic, my dad is Jewish but agnostic, and my husband's family is some sort of Protestant. I wish I could treat it like a secular holiday, but my mom wants me to go to mass with her, my MIL wants us all to sing carols (fucking why, life isn't a Hallmark movie!), and a polite "no thanks" doesn't cut it, so no matter what I do I'm disappointing someone. I've gotta negotiate with both sides as to whose house we're visiting on each day, and I just don't know.... Every year the stress just gets to me, I can't wait for the holidays to be over. I count down the days until the 26th. The cold weather and lack of sun don't help either.
Also. I just turned 42 this week. Every birthday I've ever had has been xmas-flavored - I can't escape it even for one day. I have a labral tear and femoroacetabular impingement in my right hip which need to be fixed surgically and have been making it really hard to squat and deadlift. And despite being diligent with sun protection, my dermatologist removed yet another mole - this one came back as "moderately precancerous" and they need to do a larger excision. She also suggested I get laser treatments to remove a few age spots on my face. I feel like I'm too young for any of this shit.
I just want a pause button.
I feel you on hating the holidays. I get so little time off of work that I just want to relax, but the expectations of the holidays make it near impossible. I have 4 siblings and they all have 2-3 kids and them and my mom always try to plan something for Christmas. The problem is we all live at least 4 hours away from each other. It is a logistical nightmare. This year I finally put my foot down and told my family I'm not doing that this year. I also told them not to get anything for my kids because honestly getting presents for 11 nieces and nephews is getting ridiculous. I even told my mom not to come visit because I just can't deal with her histrionic personality disorder right now. Of course, I couldn't put it that way, but to my surprise she actually listened for once.
I do still have to deal with my wife's family coming over, because apparently me saying I don't want to do anything for Christmas means I'm find with doing Christmas stuff on December 23rd. However, beside my wife stressing about making our house completely spotless, her family coming over isn't that bad. They will come over for like half a day and go home, and there is never any drama.
Stay strong, the 26th is only a few days away.