Something can go "like chopped shit" - smoothly, I guess.
Thinking suitcase (being a gutter mind).
Painting Satan on the wall (making mountains out of mole hills).
X on the ceiling (well done/good for you) - no idea, don't ask.
Whittling splinters (splitting hairs) I guess is fairly obvious.
One can also be "snowed down" (an idiot), an onion sausage (idiot), way out in the field (clueless, lost, idiot).
Something is "completely Texas" when it's chaotic, uncontrolled, unregulated or just generally nuts.
A Northerner might describe something that only barely worked/made it on time as "by [one] cunt hair".