this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation

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My dad contacted me out of nowhere (startrek.website)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by TotallyNotSpezUpload@startrek.website to c/casualconversation@lemm.ee
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I'm a bit lost here, to be fair. I went full no contact with my family back when I was 16. Took a hike, even across countries. So, apparently what happened, was my ex brother in law not keeping his mouth shut and sharing my number with my family. I still can't make heads or tails of it. But now my dad wants to be real chummy and friendy with me? Fuck that, honestly. I'm not super mad at him, more at the rest of my family, but it seriously hurts right now. What am I supposed to do? I'm at a loss here. Haven't really talked to the person for over 21 years.

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[–] state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Maybe I am too old to put too much value in the lasting decisions of a teenager. You change so damn much over the years and what felt like the worst back then isn't that bad when you look back after 20 years. But my main point is that OP explicitly said they weren't angry with their father, so I don't see it as a bad act when he tries to contact OP again.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Have you ever been abused by a parent?

[–] state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

As a matter of fact, I did go no contact with my parents after I moved out at 19 and minimal contact as I got older. Nowadays, with both of them dead, I see their behavior more nuanced. I can appreciate how difficult it is to leave your own upbringing behind and they both came from families traumatized by war. That's my personal story, of course, and doesn't mean other people should see it the same way. But it's the reason why I think, after 20 years it's no problem to re-evaluate decisions you made as a teenager. If you still feel the same way you did back then, that's fine. But there's no point in leaving relationships behind that could be good for you just because.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 4 points 6 months ago

But there's no point in leaving relationships behind that could be good for you just because.

Did you go no contact with your parents "Just because" ?