Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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There is no one answer.
I could list out all the qualities that are ideal in a partner, but I would just be stating the obvious.
The answer you need will be different than the answer someone else needs. It is up to you to be self-aware enough to be able to see what you need to work on and go from there. If you can't see your own problems, then starting on working on your self-awareness is where you should start.
Part of the self-evaluation process is unfortunately having a break-up conversation so you can understand why the relationship didn't work out. That can be a rough conversation, especially if the two of you didn't have the best communication skills and they can convey to you effectively what the issues were and you can ask the right questions in the right way to get a useful answer. Ideally you would have great communication in the relationship and can have honest conversations about the issues one another is having before the issues become problems that end the relationship.
Adding into the issue of communication is accepting criticism and being able to determine valid criticism from false criticism. An example of this is someone breaking up with you because you don't spend money on them. Is that a valid criticism? Through effective communication you can make that determination. Are you the problem because you don't take them to dinner on Valentine's Day because you just replaced a good TV with a bigger one and don't have money for a V-Date or are they the problem because they expect you to buy them random luxury goods when you live paycheck to paycheck?
Is it valid criticism to break up because you don't do anything around the house? Are you the problem because you don't do anything around the house after work or are they the problem because they don't work and don't do anything around the house except watch anime and play videogames and expect you to pay the bills, do the shopping, cook, and clean?
So valid criticisms are genuine problems that you create in not meeting reasonable expectations your partner has. Understanding if your or their expectations are reasonable is sometimes hard. Having a couple's therapist to talk to can really help in that matter. A less than ideal second place option is AI. If you and your partner can explain the problem to an AI, the AI may be able to provide useful feedback and it is up to the both of you to accept the outcome of either therapy or AI opinion and begin working on the issue.
So your keys to the kingdom are self-awareness, ability to accept criticism, and communication. If you can develop those skills, then every other issue you have can be determined and then it becomes a matter of figuring out improvements to make you a better you with or without the help of a therapist.