this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2025
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How can I assure myself that I can find a partner despite being chronically ill and disabled? (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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Every time I encounter another problem with my body that a healthy person wouldn't have, I'm always tempted to think to myself that nobody would want a partner like me because they could just pick someone healthier and more capable. I'm in my early 20s and my health is already getting a little worse each year without any real way to stop it.

I could tell myself that my unique story is compelling, and that enduring all of this hardship has cultivated a more powerful mindset than mainstream materialism and hyperindividualism, and that anyone who shares my values would appreciate me for who I am, even if it means potentially foregoing wealth and luxury. But I just wish I had something more to go off of, something a little more than just blind hope.

I know that lacking confidence and having an external locus of control aren't helping at all, but I find that I can only feel confidence and control if I have a solid, well-reasoned belief that I can succeed and my actions are meaningful.

So, I'd really appreciate any success stories, those who found love despite having challenging medical issues, or any good arguments you might have. I don't think there will be any one thing that does it for me; every little bit will help. Thank you.

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[–] Flagstaff@programming.dev 4 points 21 hours ago

I can only feel confidence and control if I have a solid, well-reasoned belief that I can succeed and my actions are meaningful.

But you have to stop assuming that these things are working against you this strongly. Maybe the evidence is there through other people's rejections, even if some made it point-blank to you. But for me personally, mobility challenges (assuming these are what you mean) are not a reason for me to not consider someone; in fact, they're irrelevant relative to, as you so well-worded it, "anyone who shares [your] values."

So there you have it: I'm proof that there's more out there for you than "blind hope." I don't have a completed success story for you as I myself continue to quietly look for a lovely lady, but am sort of giving up (but not because of a personal physical challenge!).