this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2025
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I don't know what it is for other people, but I am hypersensory, so I am basically catatonic 90% of the time in the shower.
I have always been extremely sensitive to like, everything.
I used to get abused by my father for being "too sensitive" about almost anything, emotionally, physically, etc. So I did what any "real man" would do, and masked, masked masked. Spent decades of my life forcing myself to be hard, be strong, push through discomfort, show no pain, no emotions, no sensitivity.
As one might imagine, it didn't do me well in the long run. I was only recently diagnosed as autistic, I haven't told anyone outside my partner, as nobody would understand, the mask is glued on now, this is just me. A shell on the outside and a hidden universe inside. The long showers are total oblivion and I wish I could just stay in that water stream for days without end.
I'm not diagnosed, but uh...I felt this pretty hard.
Sorry to hear toxic masculinity hurt you like that. If it helps any I can confidently say you're not alone and if you ever find a way to even just shift the mask a little there will be people who will accept you. The idea that a man should be a stoic is such bullshit and it hurts us all.