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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it sucks. The truth is, nobody cares about a man's suffering. There's something in a man's weakness that repulses most people. Even people that like you and would love to see you do good. When I went through the same I realized the only people who care are close family, people who can relate and people who have some interest in you. It sucks but you must know it's not about you.
That being said you have both sides to take into account. Your so-called friends are not your friends and they never were. Period. Erase them from your life. They deserve even less thoughts than your ex. When the chips are down they showed you what they were about. Now you know how worthless they are. Some people are not as lucky and stay in toxic and superficial "friendships" for years and that stops them from finding actual good friends.
And, non withstanding all that, a depressed and sad person is not a good company. It brings you down. And that's OK because we make sacrifices for the people we love. But if the person is in a vicious cycle of negativity and always complaining to the same person, it gets tiresome pretty fast. I'm not saying it's your case, it's just something to keep your mind on. Friends should support you but only you can actually fix yourself. Usually time heals everything but, if it's not, it's your responsibility to take care of your mental health (therapist, psychiatrist, etc). There's only so much a friend can do for you. And don't put all that weight on one person. Spread it around.
And stop talking crazy about ending it. It hurts. It's one of the worst pains I ever felt. It's almost unbearable. But it does get better. And eventually you will feel whole again. It's a hard road but there is paradise up ahead. But for now you have to walk through hell to reach it. But I promise you, it will be worth every step.
"nobody cares about a man's suffering" This is simply untrue and I can't take your story seriously after reading this line, it does sound like youve begun to work on some stuff for yourself, but might be some more to go still. I still got shit,
I've watched nearly every man in my bloodline go down the shitty, self hating, misogynistic, alcoholic poor me sad life cycle my entire life. It saddens me most that a lot of these guys had/have great parts about them but choose not to work out their demons, go to a therapist or take accountability for their own actions.
It saddens me the most to watch a man go through life feeling alone, ashamed, and unable to talk about how he is feeling. To watch them chose "masculine" coping, ie: drinking beer and whiskey, while making wife bad jokes and watching action movies to drown out the brain noise. I breifly dated a man who told me he didnt like looking in the mirror because he hated himself so much it made him want to punch the mirror, so he just avoided the mirror. He never went to therapy but came home with a six pack of beer everyday from work religiously. It's fucking sad, and I hope that guy is doing better today.
And to mention, easily a third of the men I have dated/known/or were family, as young boys, were raped. They just stuff it and live with it. No one talks about how often boys are raped by other men, men they are supposed to trust, and they just go on with life internalizing that shit. Its fucked. Dare I say we need a men's me too? Even one guy I dated at one point told me his adopted father had raped him when he was 12, but it only happened once so he forgave it. They acted like a happy family outside of this. My jaw fucking dropped. Then you see the maladaptive habit, he was the type who didn't wash his ass because it could make you gay. Everytime I hear someone making a joke about a man who doesn't wash his ass, I no longer think it's funny. I think he might have been raped as a child. Imo we need larger discourse about it, because the pattern can repeat. Internalized shame is poisen.
It all feels out of my control so I just try and do what I can for the people close to me. All in all, It's okay to make mistakes, its okay to be wrong, a lot of people, all people, many of them struggle admitting they were wrong. It's also not your fault if you were put in a vulnerable situation. It's not a sign of weakness. A lot of time thats the only ticket to a demon free brain is just accepted its okay to make mistakes and be wrong, and its not your fault if a bad thing happened to you as an actual victim.
No one cares about men's mental health, that's ridiculous. I was 13 years old giving my 40 year old alcoholic father pep talks on how to manage his emotions for christsake. Lmao I really thought I could help him then. I could not-
I have always cared, and many other women do too. But no one knows whats going on unless you use your voice. I've watched so many men suffer over the years. It pains me as much as anyone elses suffering, if not more because yall don't build networks for yourself and often it doesn't feel safe for you to express yourselves, and thats tragic.
I see this rhetoric all the time online and I will fiercely express, I am a woman, and I care. There are others who care too, stop spreading nonsense.
Look, I'm glad you took that off your chest. My point still remains and I won't be shamed into silence. And no, it's not your fault or any gender in particular. Hell, it is a problem of toxic masculinity, and both women and men are to blame.
I'm glad you care and please, keep caring. It does make a difference. Mentalities change one person at a time.
You talk about men "choosing" unhealthy ways to deal with pain and grief. I'm sorry, but you have no idea what it is to be a man. Your intentions may be good but you can never truly understand how lonely male existence is because you haven't experienced it. Same way I can never truly understand what it is being put down and condescended for being a woman, among other things. I see it, and it troubles me, but I never experienced it. I'm not arrogant to pretend I know how it feels.
This is my experience being a man. When you fall apart and become vulnerable everybody runs. Repulse is the right word. You can feel the contempt when you show that weakness. Both in men and women. This isn't a men versus women thing. I'm not talking about SO's running away when we're weak. While it does happen, in my experience a SO is one of the few people you can actually show vulnerability. That, family and, if you're lucky, a few close friends. Beyond that, our society simply isn't wired to accept weakness on a man. It's not men's fault, it's not women's fault, it's the culture itself.
Can it be fixed? I don't know. Either way, I feel frustrated by it and it's my right to voice that frustration.
I know it can be fixed. It takes time for cultures to shift, but there is a solution.
Voice your frustrations, always voice your frustrations. Lead by example and be vulnerable in front of other men. Never silence your voice, I hear you here. Loud and clear.