Ask Lemmy

Every time I read about male loneliness, see it in my life in other men, I can only relate, as a woman.

I left a DV situation myself, and found no support anywhere. I ended up starting over in a town bout two hours away from where I knew, and it was literally just me and a baby for four years. Some weeks the only conversations I had with another adult were at work, ir standing at a cash register buying something. I had made one friend, but then she had to go and die. I just had no one to rely on or vent to.

One of the hardest times of my life. In '16 I remember messaging my brother, who at this point I honestly think just lost respect for me for being in a DV relationship, so he didn't talk to me much, we had once been close. I remember asking him to come over one weekend, I had a grill and some food and beers, offered him money for gas as he lived an hour away. He told me weekends were girlfriend time (7 year relationship). So I explained I was really low, and no one I knew in my life had known me more than a year, I just would really like to laugh with somone who actually knows me, like my brother, and be like we used to and have a fun night.

He told me bluntly, he does not feel pity for people and he couldn't make it. So cold. I cried like you would when a close family member dies.

I'm watched my husband win the battle with his alcohol addiction. He had a low tolerance socializing before, it's only gotten worse with sobriety. He's picking up a hobby now, and after four years sober, maybe not making friends, but sharing a hobby with other dudes. I encourage him as much as I can to continue this.

I've met many men who keep social, but I've also seen many recluse themselves as they age, and it's nothing new.

I'm a woman, and I have felt gut wrenching loneliness for so many years of my life. My 30th birthday I tried to work overtime, but ended up leaving, going home to an empty house. When you can only spend $15 on frivious things, I chose vodka, cried myself dry on the bathroom floor, alone, for my birthday. No one messaged me. The guy I was dating didnt even know it was my birthday. I've had so many friends pass away too young, and yeah, I protect myself from hurt by not putting myself out there. Im greatful for my husband and son. Loneliness may appear in different ways in different genders, And the media may take that to the extremes. But loneliness is a human thing, it is not gendered

Im sorry OP isnt getting support, I for sure know that sucks. But at least you know whats real and whats not now. Fresh starts are liberating. This is your liberation, and a chance to remake your life in the way you want. I wish OP health and happiness

That reads very incel-ish..

Yes, we don't have true equality yet, and your analysis seems correct at first glance. However, women still have it worse, believe me. A lot of medical research focuses on men and ignores women, they still don't get taken seriously in many fields of work, they still are the main victims of sexual assault, etc. All negative things applying to men that I can think of are things we are doing to ourselves. Like the ideal msculine image pushed in media is entirely due to men. No woman ever designed a stoic superhero with pure muscle and a sixpack.

Your assessment isn't incorrect, it just ignores why things are the way they are.

That being said, the situation sucks for OP and they deserve better friends.