this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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I've heard similar takes resolved with "this person is venomously sexist, but straight." Once their sexual needs are met, the one thing they want out of a partner is done, it's back to absolutely loathing women.
Sounds like a nightmare, tbh.
Yeah reading this as a woman is low key terrifying like… if you hate me why tf do you want to fuck me? The idea a person could be so wildly two faced because they’re desperately trying to interact with me in my most vulnerable state is so scary, things like this is why women choose the bear
This reads like one step away from a DV situation
Testosterone is a hell of a drug. I've known a few guys who have had at least one gf they only stayed with for the sex and were just putting up with her the rest of the time. Those...generally aren't very good or healthy relationships. Most of them eventually get out of that mindset and (at least try to) find someone they like being with first and also want to fuck besides.
But then my wife acts shocked that a bunch of women she works with talk like they don't even like their husbands. All I can think is why marry them then?
I've been guilty of that and I've definitely felt that "ok, I came, I'd rather be alone now." thing described in the post. Regular sex goes a long way in keeping me interested and the most toxic women I've been with have always been the best at it. There are women in my life who I like spending time with but that kind of kills my desire to have sex with them. It's like subconsciously I'm thinking "why would I want to ruin this by bringing sex into it?" or maybe it feels like I'm degrading them if I think about them sexually or I don't want to take advantage of them. I'm not really sure what's going on with me there. I mostly just don't date these days because I have my single life figured out pretty well and bringing someone else into it is always so disruptive and I really don't get enough out of it to be worth the stress. At least this way I'm not fucking anyone else up with my bullshit.
There's a name for that: Madonna-whore complex. Might help find resources to help deal with that. Best of luck; it sounds like a hellish experience.
I've been reading up on this and I'm not sure that's exactly it. I certainly don't despise women or want to degrade them regardless of whether I'm interested in them sexually or not and I'm really not sexually attracted to women I would think of as "whores" (that's not really the word I would use except maybe for an actual prostitute, but I assume they mean sexually promiscuous women). I did have a cold but over-bearing mother though so maybe there is something to this. Maybe there is a spectrum and I'm on the lesser end of it.
Thinking about it more I think it's more due to something with the rejection aspect of it. If I spend enough time with a woman and nothing physical happens it's like I switch into "platonic mode" even if they are physically attractive. I've had the same thing happen in romantic relationships where my girlfriend had a much lower libido than me and it just got to the point where we were barely physically intimate at all because they were shooting me down 90% of the time and I just stopped trying because feel like they're not interested and it's just making them feel pressured or annoying them, and feeling I was shitty about myself when I get shot down, so I just reject myself for them until they signal otherwise (which almost never actually happened). This also led me getting lazier with other aspects of the relationship and eventually falling apart because it's hard to make an effort when you're always feeling like you're missing out on one of the best parts (IMO) of being in a relationship. Which again kind of goes against the Madonna complex (at least as I understood it) because that seems to indicate you stay with the "pure" partner you love, which in my case it was kind of the opposite. I was willing to deal with a lot more toxicity to stay with the "whore" partners because they were fulfilling me sexually.
Anyway, thanks for the response it was an interesting rabbit-hole. My experience really isn't that hellish (at least due to this issue) I feel like I'm coping pretty well in my social life without the romantic aspect. People like me, I like them. It's all good. Sometimes a little lonely but that's a pretty rare feeling honestly.
Often times their husbands were different before their marriage, and probably for a while afterwards, then they slowly got shittier, and shittier
So.... more deceit? I've had uhmmm enough contact with all sexes in my time, and found "a relationship is a means to an end" type behavior in too many of my fellow humans. Also when they will not stop sliding into shittier and shittier behavior it usually means they were shitty from the start, but their mask is slipping.
Still amazes me, the many, many people seeing felationships as purely transactional.
Edit: lol, the typo stays.
Not always deceit. A lot of these guys don't go into this with the intent to do this, it's just sorta something that happens as they age, and get disaffected/dissatisfied with life in general, and their wife ends up bearing a lot of the bullshit from that. Not an excuse, it's still them being fucking awful people, but they didn't go into the relationship intending to be the husband who's wife does literally everything, while they sit on their ass, and be distant.
There are absolutely pure personality disordered men out there that do, in fact, do this type of thing with intention.
I would call that a collapse of communication, but I understand what you mean. I agree that stopping to work on oneself and/or disassociating from your partner in a relationship is a huge betrayal and all around shitty behavior. Thanks for clarifying. I'm totally with you on that.
BTW I once woke someone up to their behavior during a screaming match where I shouted "Why are you like this, we a supposed to be on the same side! Both of us against the problem, not whatever you're doing." Well at least I think these were my words, there might have been a lot more swear words ... But that was successful only one time, so ....
I imagine sexism like this morphs into DV given time and opportunity
Yeah it's definitely testosterone :/ just pure monkey brain neuron activated, there's not really any thoughts besides "I am so unbelievably in love with them" until you're snapped back to reality...