this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2025
605 points (99.3% liked)

Not The Onion

18455 readers
1541 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] GrabtharsHammer@lemmy.world 178 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Dude, you can't just penalize a corporation. That would be commiesocialism or something.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 55 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

According to the government, "Corporations are people too."

[–] Inucune@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'll believe a corporation is a person when The Texas department of corrections executes one.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'll believe a corporation is a person when one is successfully murdered. I don't care who does it.

[–] Paragone@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Herds/corporations dissipate: only individuals can truly-die.

Groups have been hiding that pertinent-fact from discussion for ages, now..

It's time that we created legally-distinct categories for those who are only aggregates, like herds/corporations, vs individuals-who-can-die.

That'd take spine, though, which politics-the-arena weeds-out/prevents-from-having-any-say.

_ /\ _

[–] rafoix@lemmy.zip 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And just like real people. They’re dead when they have no more money.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And yet, they can sell their debt

[–] rafoix@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

That’s only because the liberals government took away Americans’ right to buy and sell people. Gotta bundle debt and people together for good business.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 1 points 3 weeks ago

Republicans love to point to those days to claim they're not racist today

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 1 points 3 weeks ago

Back then, both in the US and the UK, the liberal philosophers of the times considered it an infringement on property rights to restrict the buying and selling of slaves. Liberalism: A Counter-History goes over the debates at the time.

[–] PhilipTheBucket@piefed.social 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You wouldn't molotovcocktail a car (just because it's putting everyone's safety at risk simply by existing)

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

Surely there is a leftist or unhoused person that could be scapegoated and punished for this.

[–] tidderuuf@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I believe the federal gubment just declared being anti capitalism is considered an act of terror or something.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 weeks ago

If FDR was still alive, they'd execute him for "terrorism"

[–] KeenFlame@feddit.nu 1 points 3 weeks ago

But exactly! You guys wanted hypercapitalism, now you complain?