this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2025
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20 years back I subscribed to a dating coach's mailing list, Dave somebody. The manosphere is like that dude's evil twin.
He'd tell you it was OK to tease women. Pretty woman are so used to men fawning over them and kissing their ass, a guy that challenges them a bit is novel and interesting. Teasing turned into "insult the shit out of them".
Be decisive. Women don't like wishy-washy men. This turned into "order them around to assert dominance".
He often stressed that he wasn't proposing to tell you how to get laid, only how to get more dates, you take it from there. That turned into "get money, fuck bitches".
It's like they took the guy's material, didn't understand any of it, went off the deep end.
One lesson that really stuck with me all these years; "Attraction is not a choice." No one gets to choose who and what they are attracted to. In the context of dating, "If she's not into you, move on." But it makes sense for all genders and orientations (and kinks!).
Interesting guy, wish I could remember his name. I looked at my past relationships that started strong and later turned sour. In every case, no exceptions, I had started with his advice (not knowing it) and ended doing the sorts of things he said not to do.
Here's a discussion thread about a video that presents aspects of "healthy masculinity" and contrasts them to their "near enemies" - corrupted versions of those same points.
It basically is going over what you said, how the manosphere takes something like perseverance and changes into stubbornness, assertiveness into dominance, etc.