this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] Hallahukka@beehaw.org 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You and I (45) are part of the first gamer generation, the first generation that had the opportunity to grow up around video games. As such, you'd expect gaming be a normal hobby for people of our age, and to some extent, it is. However, many people have grown out of games and consider them childish. I think that this is because the games of our childhood were very simple and shallow entertainment. Over the years, games have come to address more and more serious topics with a depth not unlike that of "higher" cultural media such as film or literature, but the people who grew up and left gaming behind before this development don't know that. Their only experience of games may be the simple, "childish" games of the 70s and 80s, so they consider gamers childish as well.

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[–] SeeJayEmm@lemmy.one 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

There's no cut off. Some people are just judgy (and often hypocritical).

I'm the same age as you and I've been gaming my whole life. My father had all the Ataris, (2600, 400, 800, XT, etc...). He and I built my first 386 together. My uncles had the Intellivision. Cousins with the ColecoVision. My father's almost 70 and he's still an avid Destiny 2 player.

I will admit tho, it's harder to find women, our age, who are either into or at least open to gaming as an adult hobby. I'm not saying they don't exist but having been divorced and remarried I can say there's a gender gap there. I was lucky enough to find someone open minded. She never complained about my weekly game nights to keep in touch with my friends and she's even opened up over the last few years and has become a bit of a gamer herself.

So... there is no cut off. It's not immature or childish, and it's certainly more of an art form than 3/4 of the garbage those same people will spend their free time on (reality tv, tiktock, endlessly scrolling the void of facebook).

[–] feidry@midwest.social 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It boggles the mind that the people being most judgemental about gaming are the self same people who sit for hours every night watching garbage shows on Netflix, and they see 0 comparison between that and gaming for hours.

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[–] GolGolarion@pathfinder.social 6 points 2 years ago

I think it's less of an age cutoff and more of a binary "do you base your identity around this" sort of deal. You'd never catch me calling myself a gamer, even though I'll play video games fairly regularly

[–] Silviecat44@vlemmy.net 6 points 2 years ago (3 children)

There are heaps of old people (60+) who play Elite Dangerous and Stardew Valley. Never stop gaming just because of your age!

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[–] aedyr@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 years ago

Yeah I think this is more a compatibility filter. If it's an interest of yours and makes you happy, there is no cutoff.

[–] Los@beehaw.org 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

There isn’t a cutoff in my experience. I’ve met more over 40 gamers that are chill to hang out with then under 25s.

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[–] Gazelli@lemmy.one 6 points 2 years ago

I've got 20 years on you and I don't see an end to my gaming days anytime soon.

[–] Skooshjones@vlemmy.net 6 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I think it's generational. When I talk to folks about gaming in their early-mid 30's, the majority of them either also game, or at least don't think it's weird. Video games and board games too.

I think once you hit that rough age cutoff for millennials, late 30's-early 40's it seems video gaming and board gaming also largely falls off. At least that's been my experience.

My spouse and I are in our 30's and most of our peers game. Keep it up and never stop having fun!

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[–] bdiddy@lemmy.one 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

bruhhhhhh.. 40somethings folks is what created the booming gaming industry. We can't stop now it'll crumble without us!!!

[–] TIN@feddit.uk 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Finally got the money to be able to afford them 😂

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[–] BingoBangoBongo@midwest.social 6 points 2 years ago

Its dumb to call video games childish then go home and flip on love is blind or some shit like that.

[–] decavolt@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I'm 48. I was dating five years ago, and now I'm married to a woman who doesn't play games at all. So I'll say this: when a date says "oh dear" or some such when you say you play games, that's a red flag. Even if they don't personally play, it's pretty shitty for a partner (or potential partner) to try to make you feel bad about about your hobbies. Absolutely fuck that noise. They don't have to like the same things, but it's a whole other situation for them to tell you it's dumb or wrong for you to like what you like. That goes double when you have kids and you play with them.

I play games, I draw, and I play D&D. Hell, I just bought a Steamdeck and am goingto build an arcade cabinet with my stepson. My wife does none of that, and it's super important to me that I not be shamed about my hobbies. I would never shame her about hers.

There is no age cutoff. The idea that fun things are childish is a stupid concept pushed by boring people on the rest of us because they don't know how to have fun anymore.

[–] rolling@nolani.academy 6 points 2 years ago

My relatives were asking me if I wasn't "grown up enough" to stop playing video games when I was 18.

It is not an age issue as much as it is just them associating something they dont get / understand with being childish since only children "play games".

[–] ryanspeck@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It's not age related. It's generational.

You're at the end of Gen X (as am I), meaning most of the women of your age group that you're probably dating didn't really grow up around video games and probably still see them as a wasteful, childish pastime, which was the general, parochial view of our parents' generation about our hobbies. (Sure, endlessly watch people play sports on television but never waste your time doing something you personally enjoy.)

Meanwhile, those even a few years younger than us grew up in a generation where more and more girls grew up with video games, have a more personal relationship with them, and understand the value of the hobby. That's only increased with time.

My own wife, who is at the older end of the Millenials, grew up playing video games with her younger brothers but never had any real affinity for them. She's never particularly cared about my gaming (something I do now with my daughter), though she's never taken interest in playing anything herself.

Ultimately, you'll probably just have to choose a better class of date.

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[–] Mapguy@lemmy.one 6 points 2 years ago (3 children)

No cutoff. I'm also in my 40s. When we get put in the retirement homes, we're going to have huge LAN parties again.

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[–] smallaubergine@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

Why do you care what other people/society thinks? Play/watch/read/do whatever you want. As long as you're not hurting anybody and you're enjoying yourself why would it matter

[–] ladydascalie@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago

I work in the games industry. So it would be pretty surprising if there were a "social cutoff" in my circle.

I've met people who think playing games is weird for an adult, but then they don't question watching TV or YouTube videos for hours. People who judge you based on where you find your entertainment tend not to be fun to be around.

[–] SnowBunting@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago

I can totally see why back then, 40 years ago, they felt like it was discriminatory. It's like adding the word "Chinese" or "Russian" Infront of a product. Seeing that country name infront of product might reduce the amount of people that purchase the item. The initial feeling of discrimination can last for years, even if the word and the world outlook has moved on. It's not so easy to tell someone to forget it especially if you need to make money off of it for your livelihood. Of course some of those games are famous now a days, but if you had a rough start in your 20-30, you'll remember it for a long time.

[–] storksforlegs@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Just be open about how much you enjoy games. You wouldnt want to get into a relationship with someone who dislikes your interests anyway, right? Think of it as a way to filter out people who arent compatible.

[–] hellequin67@lemmy.fmhy.ml 5 points 2 years ago

I'm 56 and play Minecraft and PUBG mobile.

As long as you're having fun I don't see why it should have an age limit.

Unless you're playing specifically children's games.

[–] Send_me_nude_girls@feddit.de 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

I personally think it's only related to birth generation. For currently past 30 years old it was still pretty rare for people to game a lot. Now everyone has a smartphone and gaming is a big business. Also people past a certain age develop a level of "old people grumpiness" and this sticks to them in whatever they do. Some lost interest in hobbies and are seriously envious of people enjoying gaming instead of watching TV all day or gossiping with neighbors. I also believe current younger generstions are much more understanding of other people's life choices, less judging. Not long ago young marriage was the goal number one, for thousands of years. We're live in a fast changing age at the moment.

There's no drop off for gaming.

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[–] Pasdude@kbin.social 5 points 2 years ago

Who’s making the micro-transaction gig profitable? 9 year olds? I’m willing to bet Epic games has netted about 1k from me since it’s initial release. I figure if I go out with friends I’m dropping 100.00 easily. If I stay in one night and spend 60.00 on vbucks I’m still saving 40 and I’m certainly not less entertained.

I’m 53, I’ll be playing games until the arthritis is too bad or I go blind.

[–] Grant_M@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I'm 55 now and plan to continue to casually play video games until I RIP IRL

[–] ipkpjersi@lemmy.one 5 points 2 years ago

Depending on the person, it's not acceptable at any age. However, why would you want to be with someone so judgmental? It's easy to be accepting of hobbies other than your own if you're a decent person. After all, it's not like you would have all of your hobbies in common with your significant other, right?

[–] surrendertogravity@wayfarershaven.eu 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Interesting question! For me it feels like both a social group and age-based thing. I know of a couple co-workers in their upper 30s / mid 40s who play video games and we’ll chat about games very occasionally. My ex’s friends were all mid-twenties folks and gaming was one of their multiple hobbies.

But in general, I wouldn’t bring video games up with the majority of my other co-workers, and certainly not during small talk with more-or-less strangers (chiropractor, barbers, etc), whereas every other hobby I’d be cool talking to strangers about. I think I’ve been socialized to feel like gaming is “immature” and only to be talked about with other people “in the know” so I don’t feel judged for enjoying it.

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[–] June7th@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I'm only in my early 30s and have no intention of not playing video games because I hit a certain age. I think a lot about this old lady I used to follow on Twitter who would review JRPGs and how cool she is (unfortunately I stopped using Twitter and don't remember her handle). I think these days, it's less likely for it to be "weird", whereas I remember being a kid and hearing people say it was childish.

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[–] closure1170@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] silentdanni@beehaw.org 4 points 2 years ago

I’m 34 and can’t say I’ve ever had this problem. All the people I’ve gone out with just see it as a hobby I have and nothing else. I think the may problem is when people assume you don’t have any other hobbies or don’t do anything else because you like video games. I find that as I get older I’m gravitating towards vastly different hobbies so when the topic of video games comes up their reaction is usually what you describe: “Ah my kids love them!” then we move on to the next topic. That has never been a deal breaker though, which I assume is what you’re somewhat implying in your post.

[–] StaticFlow@feddit.uk 4 points 2 years ago (2 children)
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[–] pyro@pathfinder.social 4 points 2 years ago

As a few others have mentioned its mainly a generational thing. Video games are still "recent" and you are/were at the point that it was just starting to catch. Keep looking and hopefully you will get someone of the same mind set you are

[–] phi1997@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

You hit it yesterday. A squad has been dispatched to retrieve your computer. I'm sorry.

[–] PrivateNoob@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 years ago

I'm early gen Z and will continue gaming when I get older definitely. It's just a generational thing I think,

[–] Crinkly4516@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 years ago

So our discord regularly has friends and family in the age range from 17-59 currently who all game and socialise together. I don't think there is a limit.

[–] craigers@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

37 year old gamer here, time to start dating 20-somethings 😉

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