. . . A chaos monkey disguised as a teammate. No tests. No profiling. No understanding of side effects or performance impact. Just blind clicking and tapping and typing. The programming equivalent of punching your TV to make the static stop.
And he did this with everyone. A one-man bug factory. Whispering half-formed solutions into the ears of juniors like a sick, twisted full-stack Rasputin. Apparently, friendly fire will be tolerated.
The system explodes. Nothing deploys. The UI is frozen like the vegetables in my freezer I was supposed to defrost 8 years ago. And where is my dear co-pilot?
Nowhere.
He’s vanished. Probably reading about a shiny new JS framework that he’ll try to shove down my throat next week. Meanwhile, I’m left spelunking through callback hell with a flashlight made of regret.
Wonderful.