this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2025
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First, don't tell me that the answer is just to "not bottle things up", because that's objectively incorrect too. Society doesn't want you to have any negative emotions. I need to know how to not express negative emotions at all whatsoever unless I'm alone. I know it can be done because it is done in many other people on the planet.

Edit: Ok so I think one of the things I want to try doing next is ask for a med change from my psych provider.

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[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What is this 'society' nonsense? You can express your desires and feelings without having to explode, that's the solution. And when you eventually do, because you're human and mistakes will happen, apologise profusely and understand "the work" is not yet done. Also whatever you propose is not only a denial of your own humanity, in vain and for your own detriment (and immature too, which is not a good look!), but also the kind of things dudes try before they shoot up churches and festivals.

You are human, after all, a social animal. You're gonna have to open up as calmly as you can when the situation calls for it, instead of not saying anything because you don't feel brave enough to be vulnerable (maybe you feel like the people around you will only misunderstand you and make it worse?), so resentment doesn't add up in the background and you don't end up exploding. And I'm not just preaching here, I'm speaking from experience!

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Don't worry, the anger would never be directed at innocent people like that. It is directed at the self. So the end result you speak of may occur one day, but to the self and not others.

It's not that I don't feel brave enough...I know that I'm not supposed to say anything in response. I get in trouble when I do so. The person I have trouble with is not understanding in differences of opinion.

I'm sorry to hear about this, it sounds more serious than what I thought. I think you should talk about it with the kindest/most understanding person you know. You might not be able to talk to this person because you might "get in trouble" but you can talk about them/the situation to get a clearer picture. Take care, dingus, and don't lose hope.

[–] LuxSpark@lemmy.cafe 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would suggest that you try to process those swallowed emotions at a later time. Ask yourself why these things bother you, can you let them go, do you need an outlet to relieve them. Maybe you can relieve that pressure before you blow.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

I do not have any helpful outlets. The things that people say are outlets don't work for me.

Running? I do it. Doesn't help. I ruminate during a run.

Venting to a friend? Doesn't help. I feel guilty for bothering them, they get frustrated with me for bothering them, and it's wrong to do that to people who have busy lives and their own problems.

Venting to ChatGPT? Occasionally will help a little bit, but usually does not help. It's not a real person and does not understand me, but prevents me from harming others by venting to them. Also helps me ruminate on my problems.

Writing down my thoughts? Doesn't help. It makes me ruminate.

[–] LuxSpark@lemmy.cafe 2 points 1 day ago

I was thinking about something like going to the shooting range or kickboxing. A bit of controlled violence might do the trick.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 2 points 1 day ago

Have you tried primal screaming?

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I get on GTA or Just Cause 3 and start blowing shit up.

[–] gezero@lemmy.bowyerhub.uk 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

With out most respect - is there any chance that you are one of the people who is so hang up on being nice that they never think about other people?

https://youtu.be/g7RAPS8mE94

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[–] Cris_Color@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

The trick is having people with whom it is safe to voice negative thoughts and opinions. Generally it's the same people who confide in you. There are also other ways to vent that pressure a little bit in the short term, but expressing that negativity to other people is not really replacable.

For guys (as I assume you are), this can be very hard to find, or to build these kinds of relationships for cultural reasons, but it is fundamentally necessary to being an emotionally healthy person.

You voice the small negatives on an ongoing basis so they don't pile up to the point that they're explosive.

Getting a therapist, so you have someone you're paying to hear your negative thoughts and feelings can make it easier to start. Its often hardest at the beginning because when you first start voicing the things you've bottled up ongoing, the intensity will generally be higher than is pleasant for people to be around, and you kinda have to let off enough emotional pressure for a while before the intensity comes down. A therapist could be helpful in doing that without having to unpack the culturally ingrained masculine discomfort with vulnerable or uncomfortable emotions (in some ways, in other ways therapy is harder. But it's private and comes without the normal social expectations of being positive)

Good luck! This is a really hard thing to work through for a lot of men, as a society we really set men up to fail in this way

[–] antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

You are not your thoughts, nor are you your emotions. You are the observer of those things. Somebody presses your buttons, but it is your choice whether or not those buttons fire. For example if a child said some hurtful things to you, would it have the same impact as an adult? I should hope not. What is stopping you from viewing somebody as a child, especially if they are acting like one?

In addition to cardio, try breathing and cold water. Always breathe through your nose, even when running. Try to breathe through your nose as a cold shower takes your breath away. Or go for the full ice bath. An ice bath tells your body (the producer of anger emotions and chemicals), “hey, I’m in control here, you are not good at assessing threats”. The mind follows the breath, or the breath follows the mind.

But if I’m being honest I’ve always had a hot temper, and what is really helping me is Lithium. It allows me to observe anger without being overwhelmed by it.

[–] Cort@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago
[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 2 points 1 day ago

You have to do something physical. Run, do some intense workout with cardio and weights, wail on a punching bag. Maybe all 3.

Let your brain focus on something that isn't words in your head, and exhaust you physically, and you'll quickly learn how inconsequential other people's petty BS really is in the grand scheme of things.

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 2 points 1 day ago

Without having your specific details hard to tell...

But I will drop my two cents. Don't be a social retard and rage at people esp after holding something back.

Handle things as they come. If somebody doesn't like it they can get fucked. You will notice over time that people who don't like you bringing up your concerns as they happen usually were there to fuck you over.

Authority doesn't like to be challenged and this is one of the tactics used by authority to suppress reasonable discussions. Then when pleb explodes, it is his fault.

Not sure if this is applicable to you but if youa te dealign with somebody in position of authority given this some thought.

[–] Semester3383@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Have you tried just not exploding? Like, maybe turn your emotions off so that instead of exploding in rage you just feel a vague annoyance? It's called alexythymia, and I highly recommend it; it makes shitty things much easier to deal with.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Dude I would love to be able to induce that rn

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