this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2025
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Mental Health

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I am 25(M) and never even touched hand of opposite sex, at this point i am kinda sure that im going to be alone in my life, but i just cant get over it. I am ugly and skinny, and as for recent started going bald. Have some heart issues so no heavy physical work. I have no chance. So i wanted to move on from this state of mind, and just focus on work and hobbies. How can i do so? Do you have any advice you can share?

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[–] viking@infosec.pub 4 points 1 day ago

Embrace who you are, as cheesy as it sounds, and turn your quirks into advantages.

Going bald? Who cares, I started balding from 19 years old, and at 21 I had a sizeable spot at the back of my skull that I could touch with one finger without brushing against surrounding hair. Figured I'd rather be bald than looking like a haggard whimp, shaved it the same day and never went back. I'm in my 40s now.

Heavy lifting/physical work: Pumping iron isn't the only way to get a defined and conventionally attractive physique. Look into exercises to build core strength and arm muscles through calisthenics, yoga, plank holds and the likes. Work with a trainer who can give you proper guidance.

Relationships: Not every relationship is built on love. There are transactional relationships just as well, which might be frowned upon in public, but depending on the source, 30-50% of men engage in them regardless. Might work wonders for your self esteem. Of course if you choose to do so, have your local legislation in mind, travel might be required.

As for generally embracing and grounding yourself, guided meditations are pretty neat. Sometimes offered through yoga centers (it's a good combination in general and a relaxing hobby that still works on your physical limitations). I probably wouldn't do either online, having a person to guide you along for the first few times is quite important. You might also run into like minded people there, which can help to foster relationships (looking at platonic here first and foremost, an active friends group really helps to build confidence as well).

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Pour into yourself as you would a genuine lover. Encourage your hobbies, and self care. Tell yourself how special and worthy of love and proper care you are, and that's why you love you and take such good care of you. It will feel awkward at first because we're never taught to do that, and honestly, that's where everything begins and ends.

OP, I glanced at your profile long enough to read your post from a month ago walking away from a girl at the park. I don't know where you are or your cultural norms, but I stand by what I said. Also we are just human beings like you.

[–] RisenPhoenix@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

im trying to, but whole world just keep noticing how lonely i am, when i take a walk i see happy couples on the street, when i driving a car i keep hearing music about love and ect. And all these reminders messes with my thoughts.

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 4 points 1 day ago

I mean you're focused on what you don't have when the universe keeps trying to bring it to you, and you refuse it. It sounds like in some un/conscious way, you feel unworthy. Please find videos on Jung shadow work, the part of ourselves, good, bad, indifferent that we hide from ourselves because we think it's not ok. But it's okay! We all have challenges, things we like about ourselves and things we don't. When we see it, we can address it.

[–] SaneMartigan@aussie.zone 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

25 I was still pretty horny, your hormones are driving some of this urge. I'm not a handsome man by a few standards but I genuinely try to be kind. Pursuing hobbies, being friends with the women I meet and generally being a decent guy got me laid way more than I would've expected as a man your age. Marketing tells you to be tall with a six pack and a shitload of money.

However, you gotta get out there and have some interests that has at least some women in it. Eg my LARP club is about 40% women but my friends warhammer 40k group is 100% men. I do pilates for the exercise and have become friendly with some of the 98% female classes, I'm not there to meet women but I started making idle friendly small talk with the regulars. Good luck mate.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I have no chance

You need to get out more. It may not improve your image of yourself, but it will lower your image of everyone else by comparison. You're a lot better than you realize. At least mediocre. And so is everyone else so you'll be ok.

[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio -3 points 1 day ago (10 children)

Get a whore every once in a while.

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[–] zeropointone@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago

Choose demanding jobs and hobbies and you find yourself too exhausted to think about topics like that. You need to keep yourself busy, but in a meaningful way. With time your brain will adjust and at some point you won't feel bad about it anymore.

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