Mental Health

The other comments are solid.

I didn't meet my wife until I was 32. We've been together for 9ish years now and have had one major argument. It has otherwise been amazing and we compliment each other well.

At 25 I wouldn't have even been ready to "settle down" so to say, in fact I probably didn't get there mentally until 28 and still...life is a regular learning thing.

At 28 I had gone on a random smattering of dates that really made me realize what I do and don't like. I had decided I'd be fine being alone as well, which wasn't terrible. I had volunteer opportunities, a good job, and some local meetups I enjoyed.

I say all this to mean, don't give up but also like...the biggest thing for me was to hone what I wanted or didn't want. I am pedantic and picky as fuck, and I had hit a point where I was OK not finding someone but...that was exactly when that person was found.

My advice, you gotta do you, you need to enjoy life first. I don't care if it's a video game or a local pub with a specific dish or a park with a nice view. Figure out that list and then seize it at every turn, then hone it and expand it and sharpen it.

Critique: You have to be comfortable in your own head whether a relationship works out or not. If you have a decent job and are respectful you're already better than a lot of guys. Just as guys vary in how they rate a woman, women vary in how they rate a guy. Physical appearance is pretty low in this and most women are at least willing to give a shot to someone who checks other "boxes" in what theyre looking for. One box of that is not having to be your therapist. Yes, part of a relationship is leaning on each other but sharing the load is different to having to be carried. Another box is not feeling "settled for". It isn't good for either of you as settling makes one person feel like shit and devalue themself while the other yearns for something else.

Going up and talking to girls is already doing a lot better than many guys. However, only being able to converse about your own interests and hobbies makes things difficult. Finding someone who shares the exact same interests is unlikely and unnecessary to getting along. You need to be willing to listen about other things. It seems that due to age and environment you've had trouble finding the right types of people as shallow party girls are far from the only women around but at just 25 I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

Being ugly is nowhere near the most important thing.

• kind
• funny
• respectful
• dress well
• fun

You can be mega hot but if you treat people like shit, they're not going to want to have meaningful relationships with you.

If you're constantly a downer that's giving off desperate-needy vibes, that's also going to turn people away.

Also 25 is really young, still.

Hey, that was me! Though I'm fat instead of skinny. The reason you can't get over it is because you want and deserve a relationship. I came to the conclusion that if I'm never going to have anyone in my life, I might as well join a dating site just to verify it, and lo and behold, I'm married now at 33.

Get a nice haircut, find some clothes that fit you well, and take some pictures of yourself doing things you like, then spend a few hours putting the effort into making an honest, well-thought-out profile on a dating site. Spend an hour or so every day really looking into potential matches, trying to come up with something to ask them about from their profile as a conversation starter. The more effort you put in, the better your results will be - if you send every girl a "hey," you'll never get a single match.

It'll take a while to get used to chatting with girls, and if you're like me you'll put your foot in your mouth a lot at first, but eventually you'll start getting some dates, and eventually you'll start getting some second dates. I won't say it'll be easy, but I look back on my 25 year old self and think how funny it was that I had nearly given up so young. You've got a lot of life ahead of you, and it's better with company.

Or give up, it's your choice, but I don't think you would have posted this if you really wanted that.

This sounds far more a mental health thing than a physical appearance thing.

Looks matter less and less as you age. It's far more important to have similar interests, morals, and lifestyle as your romantic partner. I know that's not much consolation in the here-and-now, but rest assured that you will absolutely find a partner someday if that's your goal.

One of the most attractive things about a person is being themselves. If you are self-expressive and happy in your own shoes, people will take notice.

I have no chance

You need to get out more. It may not improve your image of yourself, but it will lower your image of everyone else by comparison. You're a lot better than you realize. At least mediocre. And so is everyone else so you'll be ok.

I’m sorry feelings of loneliness have been so hard on you. When I was alone for 15-20 years, I focused as much attention as I could on volunteer work. It was extremely gratifying and helped take my mind off my loneliness. I eventually met my wife at a volunteer event without even thinking she would be the one. Sorry if this is corny, but I think Gandhi said “the only way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service.”

1. you do not know the future
2. even if you did, you don't know how it will FEEL when those FACTS play themselves out
3. it would be somewhat unfriendly of you to place the burden of your mental health onto the shoulders of someone else, no? sort your shit out before you get someone else involved yo!
4. just by virtue of being here, I can make some assumptions that you are fairly smart, introspective, know stuff about the world and how at least technology works. Have you met the bottom 50% of people... really? They aren't so much out and about, believe me, they hide (or are hidden away by family members). You may have issues - we all do - but you have no idea how much awesomeness you also have along with those, I believe it!

You do you... nothing that you have said seems insurmountable, to me. With some effort, you really can learn to ~~install Arch Linux~~ talk to girls.

But you don't have to do it today. Maybe define your parameters: take just ONE DAY, better yet a week, and not worry about it. Then, plan to pick it up again (put it on your calendar if you really need that) and spend some time (5 minutes? an entire hour? preferably while doing something that helps make it more tolerable - walk outdoors?) thinking about it. The plan to pick it up later is the secret sauce to being able to put it down TODAY: you can tell yourself that you WILL think about it, but that you just need to be patient and deal at a more opportune time.

Exercise makes virtually anything better btw. Heart issues or no, do what you can stand, maybe even right up to the line of what your body can handle, and while perhaps that same day you may be sore, the next day you will have had the endorphins coursing through you, and breathe better. I never ever want to go exercise, but I am always ALWAYS very glad that I did! :-)

Edit: also a note that if you are in the USA, some of what you feel right now could be related to... (waves hands) all of THAT going on.

Embrace who you are, as cheesy as it sounds, and turn your quirks into advantages.

Going bald? Who cares, I started balding from 19 years old, and at 21 I had a sizeable spot at the back of my skull that I could touch with one finger without brushing against surrounding hair. Figured I'd rather be bald than looking like a haggard whimp, shaved it the same day and never went back. I'm in my 40s now.

Heavy lifting/physical work: Pumping iron isn't the only way to get a defined and conventionally attractive physique. Look into exercises to build core strength and arm muscles through calisthenics, yoga, plank holds and the likes. Work with a trainer who can give you proper guidance.

Relationships: Not every relationship is built on love. There are transactional relationships just as well, which might be frowned upon in public, but depending on the source, 30-50% of men engage in them regardless. Might work wonders for your self esteem. Of course if you choose to do so, have your local legislation in mind, travel might be required.

As for generally embracing and grounding yourself, guided meditations are pretty neat. Sometimes offered through yoga centers (it's a good combination in general and a relaxing hobby that still works on your physical limitations). I probably wouldn't do either online, having a person to guide you along for the first few times is quite important. You might also run into like minded people there, which can help to foster relationships (looking at platonic here first and foremost, an active friends group really helps to build confidence as well).

Pour into yourself as you would a genuine lover. Encourage your hobbies, and self care. Tell yourself how special and worthy of love and proper care you are, and that's why you love you and take such good care of you. It will feel awkward at first because we're never taught to do that, and honestly, that's where everything begins and ends.

OP, I glanced at your profile long enough to read your post from a month ago walking away from a girl at the park. I don't know where you are or your cultural norms, but I stand by what I said. Also we are just human beings like you.

25 I was still pretty horny, your hormones are driving some of this urge. I'm not a handsome man by a few standards but I genuinely try to be kind. Pursuing hobbies, being friends with the women I meet and generally being a decent guy got me laid way more than I would've expected as a man your age. Marketing tells you to be tall with a six pack and a shitload of money.

However, you gotta get out there and have some interests that has at least some women in it. Eg my LARP club is about 40% women but my friends warhammer 40k group is 100% men. I do pilates for the exercise and have become friendly with some of the 98% female classes, I'm not there to meet women but I started making idle friendly small talk with the regulars. Good luck mate.

Get a whore every once in a while.

Choose demanding jobs and hobbies and you find yourself too exhausted to think about topics like that. You need to keep yourself busy, but in a meaningful way. With time your brain will adjust and at some point you won't feel bad about it anymore.