this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2025
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Relationship Advice

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[THIS WILL PROBABLY BE THE LAST POST ON THIS PERSON, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE, SO I CAN MOVE ON AND BE LESS ANNOYING]

"sophie" claimed to have feelings for me and said im so nice but she could never say she loved me and she ghosts me.

next, she says we're just friends, that the relationship didn't mean much to her, that she didn't even know me, and that she didn't have feelings for me.

sometimes, she acts like she wants to be my friend, next, she completely ignores me or only talks to me when i talk first.

she never texts first, understandably, and in the relationship, she didn't do much for me, not even show me love, while i bought her stuff and openly showed my affection.

even now, she doesn't indicate anything of wanting to be friends and doesn't put any effort into a friendship like she does with her other friends, where she openly jokes around, asks them questions, and starts conversations with them.

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[–] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

THIS WILL PROBABLY BE THE LAST POST ON THIS PERSON,

Good call.

At the sound of sounding dismissive, I think if you need to rattle five or six posts about a simple social interaction off strangers on the internet, it would probably suggest a level of confidence or social skill that is incompatible with maintaining a relationship.

Having read the past few posts over the last few days, it just seems like Sophie has tried nearly every way in the book to cool you off and slow things down to a point where a relationship just isn't happening. I know it's a disappointing opinion to hear and I genuinely wish you the best.

I think if it was a post outlining a moral or ethical dilemma where there were few "good" options to choose from, then gathering opinions from randomers might be a good thing - but these seems like pretty straightforward social pitfalls that you're walking through. It sounds like Sophie has both been gentle and brutally honest with you, and you've not seen the signs.

From this point onwards, it's not a bad thing. Nobody is born a social dynamo and people learn skills along the way. I'm careering through middle age at an alarming rate and I'm still dropping bollocks at inopportune times. The key is to experience it; learn from it; and be better from it.

Good luck my friend. May there be other people out there for you.

[–] nonBInary@thelemmy.club 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

fair enough, i just post to gather other opinions./to vent. that makes sense, though. do you think she wants to be friends? or should i just leave her alone? i accepted slowing things down and breaking up with her, i'm just curious if she really wants to be friends like she says.

[–] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

As always, there's two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in between. Taking this account as gospel though, I'd be inclined to give it a rest for a few weeks.

If she still wants to be pals, then interactions when your friendship circles and events bring you together will be a lot more free flowing. If you're still being stonewalled or there's no natural spark in the conversation, maybe it's time to take her lead and call it a day and just be civil as she is being with you.

Best of luck, friend.

[–] nonBInary@thelemmy.club 1 points 1 month ago

Thank you so much 🫂

[–] AmourDeFrance@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

do you think she wants to be friends? or should i just leave her alone?

Leave her alone, I think. It doesn't sound like she wants to put in the effort </3

[–] atheqtpie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago

Yeah, I don't think she actually wants to be your friend. I recommend the song "I'm Looking Through You" by The Beatles.

"I'm looking through you, where did you go I thought I knew you, what did I know You don't look different, but you have changed I'm looking through you, you're not the same

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right? Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight"

[–] Mighty@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

The hard but clear way: ask. If you feel like you wouldn't want to have a connection to her if she treats you like this, then you don't have much to lose by just making it open.

Basically send her your post

[–] AmourDeFrance@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

Wow, I'm so sorry this is happening to you :(

You will definitely find the one for you soon ! It sounds very painful and I know it hurts but at least you don't have to be with her anymore ...

Now you can find someone who does love you and treat you right !