Leviticus commands us to stone the false prophets.
These assholes are just out for free weed.
this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2025
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All the false prophets are currently unavailable for comment because they've been high AF the last couple days.
Just leave me behind. Thinking about it someone needs to do a pro rapture movie where all the people left behind live in peace now that god has taken them all away. Can you imagine the shit that would get thrown around by these dipshits if that movie hit the net?
evangelicals obsession with the raptures, when they havnt done any good in society.
Then every time the rapture doesn't happen, it's like these people have an integrated Memory Reset Button, so they don't have to PUSH and modify their beliefs and superstitions, I mean... god forbid, that would require... (shudder)... making an effort. And we can't have THAT, now can we?
They said sorry to their imaginary friend for all the bad things they always do. One heaven please! 🙏
My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened .... no one noticed because no one was taken up.
With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.
Isn't the rapture supposed to be like... the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I'm lookin around at the state of things right now and uh....
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
How can I make my skussy more appealing to the imps?
Don't wear a hat and keep your ears clean.
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No plagues, no zombies, no demons. All these things are supposed to come before the rapture part. The rapture is literally the last part, not the first. It happens on the 7th trumpet blast.
We got covid, krok addicts, and republicans, it's close enough.
There have been plagues and demons for sure. Some of these politicians are definitely demons in skin suits. I just don't know about zombies. But we are close.
Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person's cases
It's all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
May I offer you my very warm hole for a few minutes? Its only $5.99! Its for a good cause!
I hope it's a lot of them. Religious psychos are a scourge on humanity. The fewer the better.
Skipped over again. Thank god.
I'm at work, so I probably got sent to hell
I don't think I w
HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF
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Wait what?
raptor sauce
I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won't let me back in.
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I missed something were we supposed to be raptured today?
Not you.
Fuck... I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
I wish... Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish
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Maybe next time
The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets and just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I'll have to catch the next one.
Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.
They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say "No fatties".
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I had to get out of bed to go to work, does that count?
Lemme tell ya, I have never been more raptured!
Props on the username, OP
Turns out a lot of them were in Gaza, they left behind more than their clothes however maybe we can reconcile this with a metempsychosis model of rapture ?
Me.
...
I got better.
I remember being sucked up a beam of light and two ~~aliens~~ angels welcomed me. Then I woke up in my bed with no memory. Was I raptured?
Can we circle back and reschedule the rapture for next week? Carrie is on vacation and we need her input.
It would be good if all the hypocrites who preach about how christlike they are would go away
They all are disqualified for praying in public. Shouldn't have done that.
Also, presuming to tell God what is what, and vanity.
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