The Onion

(Washington DC) As Demolition of 1/3 of the White House nears completion, a lawsuit has been filed alleging that the partial destruction of the building represents theft of intellectual property by the construction company. The Al-Queda Terror Group (NYSE: AQTG) has filed a $1.2 billion lawsuit, claiming “irreparable harm and damages to their terror plans and intellectual property.”

In drawings released with the suit, an Al-Queda spokesperson shows how the intellectual property was stolen. “In our drawings and documentation, you can see how a vehicle, operating at high speeds relative to its normal operation, and with intent to destroy, demolishes a large portion of the White House and its surrounding property. These pictures of the work of Clark Construction show men, also wearing bulky vests, as noted in our designs, destroyed a large portion of the property and building. This is a theft of our proprietary work to destroy America, and our plans to do so.”

“You will note that many of these drawings date back to 2001, well prior to the destruction by Clark Construction.”

Lawyers for the construction company note that, while they are taking money from a corrupt criminal political leader - who likely does not have legal authority to order the destruction of the White House - the owners of the construction company are republican major donors, which exempts them from any charges of terrorism. While indeed wearing vests and rapidly dismantling an American landmark, all of the construction crews are white and overweight, making their behavior more presidential than an overt act of terror. They feel the suit is merely a misunderstanding.

Talk of a merger to settle the lawsuit is causing excitement on Wall Street, as stocks remain near record highs, as America enters its 4th week of the government shut down.