this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
157 points (95.4% liked)

Autism

541 readers
1 users here now

(Description in progress)

A general Autism discussion and support group on the fediverse.

Rules:

Partner communities: Ausome memes

founded 9 months ago
MODERATORS
 
all 14 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] paultimate14@lemmy.world 21 points 3 days ago (3 children)

My strategy is that when people start emotionally venting to me, I try to remember the "rubber ducky" trick. Which is often used in programming, but also other fields.

The idea is that making yourself explain a problem to someone else is a way of re-framing the problem, and that new perspective can lead to a solution. By replacing the other human with a rubber duck, you are able to do this without being reliant on someone else (or wasting their labor hours).

Personally, I have always done this internally to handle my own emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I usually don't externally express these things until they have gone through that internal review process. It's a tactic used in therapy, encouraging children to play with dolls and stuffed animals and such for example.

So when someone is talking to me, and especially if they seem emotional, I aka what they want from me. Do they seem like they would be receptive to solutions? Do they want some sort of anecdote to be assured that they are not alone, or to know that you are a qualified person to talk to about this? Or are they just looking for you to be a rubber ducky for them? This is the hard part- figuring out what they are looking for.

Being a rubber duck is incredibly easy and, in my experience, is what people usually want. Sometimes I'll just come out and ask if they want my help to think of, or execute, a solution to their problem before just spouting out ideas.

[–] makeitwonderful@lemmy.today 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Being rubber duck is painful for me.

[–] Angelevo@feddit.nl 2 points 2 days ago

Bingo. If you want a lack of intelligence -- talk to anything..

It is fine for sometimes; a lot of people have a strong need to do a lot of venting. Best to spread the love a bit. ;)

[–] massive_bereavement@fedia.io 6 points 3 days ago

For me it's hard to know what emotion should I simulate to reciprocate. It's like trying to find an error message in a russian manual.

[–] SurfinBird@lemmy.ca 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Just want to make sure I understand this. You explain your problem to a probably imaginary rubber duck? And when people vent to you, you are the duck?

[–] DaGeek247@fedia.io 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You can make anything sound crazy when you put it like that, but yes, this is actually very good advice and comparison.

The rubber duck technique is a completely valid method of working your way through a problem. Sometimes you don't need someone to tell you how to resolve your issue, you just need a chance to talk it through before finding the solution yourself.

Choosing to let your friends/family/loved ones use you as their metaphorical rubber duck as a way of emotionally supporting them is a very common and expected way of communicating with others. A lot of people will do this with the expecation of you just being there to listen to them while they work through whatever their issue is.

Our task is to figure out if they need us to be the rubber duck, the outside perspective, or the man with a plan when they come to us with a problem.

My meme is actually a bit tongue-in-cheek, actually, specifically because of this. Proposing a solution to a problem that someone brings to you is only sometimes the way to continue, and often times it can be disastrous when they just wanted a rubber duck, or sympathetic ear instead.

[–] SurfinBird@lemmy.ca 4 points 3 days ago

Thanks for explaining. Wasn’t trying to make it sound crazy. Never heard of the rubber duck method.

[–] DreamAccountant@lemmy.world 17 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

It's on the person explaining the problem to say whether or not they're looking for a solution, or just for someone to vent to. Because some people really do just want options for solutions, and some people really just want to vent.

Don't expect people you come to with problems to be able to read your mind. Don't be upset when they can't. Accusing someone of being hostile for attempting to help with a problem you brought to them is just being an asshole.

[–] tlmcleod@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It takes half a second to ask them what type of conversation they're trying to have. Conversations are a two (or more) way thing. All participants must participate

[–] Mesophar@pawb.social 1 points 2 days ago

I agree, because I've learned that is the best way to handle these situations, but it goes both ways. It also only takes a half a second for them to say "I'm just venting", or "I don't need a solution, I just need someone to listen".

[–] DaGeek247@fedia.io 8 points 3 days ago

It's on the person explaining the problem to say whether or not they're looking for a solution, or just for someone to vent to.

In a just world, you would be right. Unfortunately, the way that most people communicate this intent is varrying levels of opaque for us, so we have to do what we can with what we have.

You can choose to try and communicate, or you can get mad when you guess wrong because the other person wasn't explicit enough.

I've found that choosing to communicate (massive_bereavement's "what can I do to help?" is a great option.) is usually the best way to handle this situation.

[–] djmikeale 6 points 2 days ago

I've had the following answer suggested: "I'm sorry this has happened to you. Would you like me to just listen, give suggestions, or something else?"

[–] massive_bereavement@fedia.io 9 points 3 days ago

Yeah, I'm in this whole "why are you telling me your problems if you're not looking for solutions" gang while I also partake in the "your solutions do not please me, shut up and listen" team.

Anywho, I take a big glup of "let's shut up and concentrate" drink, and then say "what can I do to help?". Often the person that is telling me their problems is happy enough with this question.