From the archives. Any resemblance to actual people is completely random and unintended.
Transcription:
A Cowboy feeding his horse noodles from a takeaway-box using chopsticks.
Cowboy: Me, asking them to play a new fun game
Just one session
Horse: My friends, unaware
Noodles: An addiction to d&d
You might want to look into an College of Lore Bard.
Vicious Mockery works great for an overly critical critic as do Cutting Words.
You could flavour both as insightful stings against the opponents abilities like how his swordsmanship lacks finesse etc.