JokeDeity

There's also catchall terms used for things they still don't really understand, like fibromyalgia.

Honestly I would be better off if I felt like this instead.

Living in Indiana feels like this. You're either one of the moronic clones all repeating the same stuff like robots, or no one likes you, so you either blend in with the idiots or be shunned and friendless.

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

20, lol. My "her" lasted more than half your life, I don't think you know what pain really is yet, chief.

My doctor is a saint. I'm on Wellbutrin and Buspar, which had been extremely helpful up until my life got flipped turned upside down. She would happily try me on anything I asked her for but I'm just not sure that's the right thing to do right now.

See my other reply on what happened.

Because I invested my entire being into someone else for over a decade who betrayed me on very deep levels for someone her entire family dislikes and is ashamed of her for, that's almost 20 years older than her, that's illiterate and visually the opposite of me in every possible way (he's obese, I'm fit, he's black, I'm white, he's nearly 50, I'm 34 (she's 29), he's got dirty looking dreads and wears rap themed tshirts you would find at Walmart or wife beaters, I dress in clean clothes that actually fit me and do my hair, everyone that's met him says I'm better looking, etc). The key takeaway being the first part of that though; that I put my everything into her and abandoned everything about myself over ten years to have it all thrown in the trash.

So I'm having to move out from the home we've shared forever, losing 3 dogs and two cats. The wild thing is that her family loves me so much that they just cosigned and dropped 10k to get me my first home. Which TBH as much as it is a lot of things, one thing it for sure is is terrifying me, I'm so scared I will fall behind or not even make enough to cover all the bills to begin with.

What if I don't even see a reason to? To be absolutely transparent, not being around feels like the only true remedy. I've tried the gym, I went every single day. I've tried dating apps to meet people and I just give up immediately because I feel worthless. I've tried to be healthier, eat better, take my meds and supplements and all that. I've tried to get back into what I used to enjoy doing but I just sit in front of my computer with no energy or motivation to do anything. I've tried being more active outside. I've tried a lot. Nothing changes. I can never escape the thoughts for longer than 5 minutes at a time about everyone and everything I've lost and the people who have hurt me for their own selfish pleasures and the failure in life I feel like.

I'm exhausted, friend.

That's nice. How? My head is a nonstop flood of bad thoughts and pain.

I've lost on all fronts and I don't know how to get back. I've been beat down too many times.

Fence