Tiffany1994

joined 4 days ago
[โ€“] Tiffany1994@lemmy.cafe 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (2 children)

I didn't literally kill someone, but I did kill something, and that was my parent's marriage. Now my mom has cancer. I look after her but she wishes she was together again with my dad. I just feel like I don't deserve to be happy. When I am happy it just feels wrong. I have mentioned this to therapists but every time it feels like they don't know the circumstances as well as I do, or they're just there to fake validate me.

[โ€“] Tiffany1994@lemmy.cafe 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

To me all it means is I was born bad. Most six year olds didn't do what I did, and what I did is still affecting other people right now.

 

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  • Whenever I see a homeless person I give them a lot of money

  • I don't say no, I say yes and put my discomfort for anything aside, other people's wants are more important than my feelings

  • I'm very agreeable

  • I do odd jobs for people, even those who don't like me, and even if I'm exhausted

  • I feel really guilty if I mess up even slightly on something and I'll apologise and let them know I am sorry for messing up

  • Constantly battling my instincts and my entire personality feels like it's being filtered

I still feel bad and like it's all not enough. It's as if something's missing, but I don't know what that something is. Is this normal? Sometimes I think "fuck it, I'm bad, probably was born bad, why don't I do other bad things as well since that's what everyone expects of me now" but I push those intrusive thoughts aside.

 

A few days ago, I watched this short documentary, part of it covered Heliobiology, which the documentary said is an emerging field of science that began in Russia.

The Heliobiologists claimed that magnetic storms caused by solar flares cause all kinds of health problems in humans. Literally every health problem is named, from suicides, to heart attacks, to even terrorist attacks.

After Googling this and looking at some papers, I noticed a few things.

  • The papers find correlations between magnetic storms and some kind of negative health effect, and go on to heavily imply or say that negative health effect is caused by the magnetic storms.

  • Magnetism is always blamed as the factor causing these negative health effects (not radiation), but the papers don't go into detail. I saw one saying that since blood is magnetic, magnetic storms can cause heart attacks by disrupting blood flow.

  • Most of the papers I read on this mention "Schumann resonances", and sometimes "pineal gland" crystals.

  • Most of the papers are brand new, within the last few years.