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Since it hasn't been mentioned yet: List of unofficial WebAPI clients

WAN = Wide Area Network
WLAN = Wireless Area Network

There was a famous Black dude whose name I don’t remember, but he of his own volition managed to deprogram a whole bunch of KKK members.

His name is Daryl Davis. For anyone not familiar, he has some great videos about this on Youtube/proxies.

Is sailfish OS even maintained?

The latest release is dated 2024-09-20, so it appears to be. I haven't used it myself though.

Yes, it does. I've just checked and confirmed the presence of /usr/bin/lsblk on a Debian 12 liveUSB.

Edit: formatting

Or just use lsblk.

It looks like it may need to be charged, or the OS is corrupted somehow and needs to be reinstalled (source).

For SailfishOS the lock screen should look like this.

Here's a list of public SearXNG instances.

Or even just use any public instance found here. Different instances may have different defaults, but under Preferences you can enable/disable whatever search engines you want.

There’s a masterlist of searx hosts somewhere, I’ll try and see about finding it if someone else doesn’t link it.

It's here: https://searx.space/

At this point I think that I'm probably safe to get rid of my old cat3 cable, but I'm keeping everything else.

Agreed. I also paraphrase the instructions in my own words to make them easier to follow later on.