cryptTurtle

Hi y'all. Wanted to share my experiences getting help to show some of the ups and downs for anyone on the fence.

-- Currently I am on 20mg Citalopram, 60mg Atomoxitine, and 160mg Bupropion XL. While none of these are for ADHD in particular they are often used for ADHD treatment regardless. Bupropion specifically helps with Norepinephrine and Dopamine. Which are both critical in helping the prefrontal cortex do it's job.

Pros: I am able to read without too much stress or distraction. I can hold conversations with minimal day dreaming. I dont get angry when people interrupt my thoughts, even when I'm fully locked in. Finally, and most importantly, I wake up at the same time every day. This last one is a huge shock for anyone who knows me on a personal level. Previously I had structured my entire life around the idea that I couldn't be reliable with starting my day consistently.

Cons: I sweat, like a lot. I have to drink water and electrolyte replacements near constantly. This may not sound like a big downside but I live in a very walkable area and now I have to have lots of water on me at all times. Not to mention the additional cost of the electrolyte supplements (while relatively minor) is still yet another thing to manage.

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Anyway, I first thought I might have ADHD when I found this video on youtube . The big TLDW is that he goes over the basics and the current research (at the time) with parents so they are better informed. While listening to the video on my walks I ended up rather shocked because his examples matched 1:1 to my life growing up. All the troubles he mentioned I had. All the attempts to improve only to falter he mentioned. All the coping mechanisms he suggests I'd already developed in my early twenties when attempting college.

I spent months re-listening to the video and showing it to everyone in my life. I'd resolved to seek an official diagnosis. However, the hardest part for me was getting started which might be an all too familiar experience for you readers as well. Finally, after much trouble with my insurance swapping and getting around to finally finding a primary I was able to see my doc. I scheduled an appointment where I mentioned my concerns. The doc said they get a lot of people asking about ADHD and there are a number of potential factors that can look like ADHD (meaning other things also cause executive dysfunction). Hearing this was extremely stressful. I'd spend my entire life with these troubles, I knew what I knew what I knew. Thankfully I tend to not blow up in public social settings too often so I went along with the docs suggestions.

First, they started me on the Citalopram due to my high scores (high is bad in this case) on the mental health assessment. Second, the doc wanted to get me tested for a number of things, many of which I've long since forgotten but one of them was sleep apnea. She scheduled followups for the meds to monitor progress and tried to get me on a sleep study. In addition to this she did refer me to their local psych for an eval.

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The evaluation was simultaneously cathartic and exhausting. I had to meet with the Psych three times to discuss my history, do a written assessment about my childhood, and also have a family member speak with the doc to get a different perspective on my childhood. Part of why the process is so involved is that Adults with undiagnosed ADHD are harder to diagnose than a child. Many of the tests were designed and tested on children. Not only that, but adults often develop coping mechanisms without realizing it. (Not to mention some people just lie)

Finally, after another couple of months pass I get my results. On the WURS assessment I scored a 76... which may not sound very high but for those who dont know the scale anything above a 46 is highly correlated with patients who have ADHD and/or depression. My ASRS-11 was similar with something like twice as many problems as defined by the threshold.

At the end of describing all this to me the Psych said that yes he does recommend medication, but that it was important to tackle ADHD holistically. Specifically he gave me resources for therapists in the area.

Obviously at this point I was over the moon. I'd finally gotten my answers. Now all I needed was a solution....

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Unfortunately for me my primary wanted to continue doing the additional testing. I'd failed to show up to my appointments for any of the tests other than the mental health assessments with the pysh. Again, this frustrated me to no end. I knew, the psych knew, what was this doctor getting at. Why do I need more tests?? So I did what anyone with ADHD would do, I followed my impulse and stopped speaking with the doctor.

Months pass and I turn into a ball of depression and stress. I feel locked in, I lack the willpower or drive to make it through anymore testing, any more poking and prodding. This goes on for longer than I can really recall but I know that at some point it had been nearly a year since I first stepped into the docs office. Eventually, one my friends who was also diagnosed with ADHD as an adult mentions they see an online clinic that is primarily made of up Nurses who are certified to prescribe medication. I think, great! that sounds like the path of least resistance (an always alluring thing in my dopamine deprived mind). However, my drive was still gone. I spent weeks and months thinking about how great it would be to speak with someone who can help me find a solution. All the while sitting at home and doing nothing.

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Eventually after a year and a half after starting the process my partner gives me the push I need. She helps me sign up online and helps me pick the nurse I want to speak with. Within a month I've had my first conversation with the new care provider and had sent them copies of all my records. The nurse was actually really chill and had no problem exploring all options. He mentioned that includes stimulants but his one rule is that I get drug tested (which ya know, fair enough). However, I didn't want stimulants. I have many friends who are on stimulants and they can really only operate in a small window before crashing. I hate the idea that anything can constrain me let alone a tiny little pill. That in addition to growing up in a family of addicts had me very uncomfortable with the idea of trying Adderall or Ritalin. Instead, I told the nurse, I wanted to explore non-stimulant options.

Now thankfully the Nurse had a lot of experience with patients who have ADHD and non-stimulant solutions. So first we tried Atomoxetine, which showed only mild improvement. About a month or so after starting that we added in the Bupropion XL to the rotation. While the side-effects showed up within the first week or so. The improvements did not start showing until after two weeks or more. The changes were very subtle at first. I'd be more engaged in conversations without realizing it. I was smiling more. I was doing more chores around the house. It wasn't until my partner interrupted me while I was deep in a project that I realized the meds were working. Not only did I not get frustrated by the interruption I was happy to see her before she took off for the day. Not only did I remember where I left off in the project before she spoke, but later that day I even remembered what we spoke about. It felt weird to feel normal

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Okay so that was a long story. For anyone who made it this far clearly it was a rather involved process. However, something to notice is that the biggest hurdle was myself. All of the "blocks" and "distractions" were people just doing their job. Healthcare providers have to deal with a lot of weird people who have not so great motives. And even beyond that, a lot of people who do go into a clinic with honest intentions are often misinformed and less educated than the doctor. Obviously I realize this in retrospect. I've since gone back to my primary and updated her on my progress. She was honestly just happy I found something that worked for me. She also mentioned that had I told her I was uncomfortable with the tests she suggested all I had to do was let her know. It's my body after all.

So idk, hopefully this helps some of y'all decide what to do. Non-stimulants happened to work for me, and they are 24-7 which is great. If you can manage to stay motivated long enough to get through the process I'd say it's worth it. My life has drastically improved.

Good luck out there.