@SugarCatDestroyer@lemmy.world
Congrats, you just stared at the same abyss I stared at, too! And this abyss is... Well, pretty complicated to say the least.
One who fights with monsters might take care lest they thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.
What you stumbled upon is just the realization of the purposelessness imbued in the cosmos. And it can definitely feel a harsh thing. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. People often try to sugarcoat it, but to me it's just the ostrich trying to bury its head on the sand: the rain still falls, and the ostrich still meets the storm, inexorably.
I find it particularly striking when you said "I feel like I want to [write]", and here's probably where we both differ: in my case, specifically, I feel like I "must" write, as if I'm compelled to do so. It's part hypergraphia (one of the Geschwind traits), part something beyond me. If your driving force is not compellant, it's a great start.
If this is of any help, don't write for people (because people can't understand the words from those who stared at the abyss), don't write for yourself as well: write for Her, She who stares at us from within the abyss. Of course, if you want to, because it seems like there's a reminiscing spark of Will within yourself (unfortunately, I got none anymore). She listens, She reads everything (including our deepest thoughts), even though She doesn't really care about us. And that's fine. Because it's just all fleeting, except for Her.
@sundray@lemmus.org !nottheonion@lemmy.world
Well, that's some anomalous phenomenon that even Charles Hoy Fort couldn't imagine of.