goldteeth

no, but it does pass the Smurfdel Smurf

nah man, if you got people in meat pods, glowing yellow psychic hologram terminals, a bay full of easy-to-steal fighters with no windows and a big slimy dude trying to punch his claws through your sternum, what you got there is a wraith hive-ship

God, we were truly robbed of one of history's greatest power vacuums. That shit would've made the Death of Stalin look like a church picnic. It starts with Vance saying he should be the obvious front-runner because he was totally the pick for VP, you just gotta trust him guys, he doesn't have anything in writing because it was a secret handshake deal but he was totally gonna be the VP, ask anyone, and it ends with Ron DeSantis burying Mike Pence in cement while Nikki Haley soaks the convention center in gasoline.

I was thinking a sock full of old batteries might be cheaper if you buy in bulk.

I had something similar happen once because I had a hard drive that had set itself to automatically turn off to save power after X amount of inactivity, and my computer would briefly lock up for a few seconds every hour or so when my search indexer or what-have-you tried to access it and it powered itself back on.

I've had to construct an entire narrative around this to make it make sense but I think I've saved it.

Realtor goes out to survey the property or whatever the hell they do. She takes some notes on those little flip-out notepads that they stopped making around the time everyone got an iPhone. 3 bedrooms. But, the twist! Her handwriting is shit. Maybe it smudges a little. Who knows. She heads back to the realtor store and hand the notes off to an intern. She's got a hot date, doesn't have time to stick around all night Zillowing. But the intern, see, he left his glasses at home and then he spilled coffee on his keyboard. So he's there squinting at the notepad dictating into the text-to-speech software. He gets to the bedrooms. Reads the number wrong, but quickly corrects himself. "8- oh, 3 beds." Doesn't notice the mistake. He's in a rush. He's got a hot date too. With the realtor. Scandal ensues. Everyone gets too caught up in the resulting HR investigation to realize until it's too late, and the house is on the market. And now the district attorney wants to buy the house, and they only have three days to build 800 bedrooms or they're going to jail for architecture fraud. Eva Longoria, Joe Keery, and Walton Goggins star in Halfway House, from the director of The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause and The Tooth Fairy, and visionary producer Timur Bekmambetov, in theaters this January. "This estate is anything but real." Rated PG-13.

Better close your fuckin eyes then 'cause I don't play this game

one brief incident in '94 notwithstanding

thank heavens that 21x9 bar of white noise was there or I might've become briefly aware of the concept of human mortality.

Call me when they get a baseball team. I wanna see the St. Louis Cardinals square off against the Actual Cardinals.

i ain't playin this game

motherfucker could've died of a ruptured appendix and they'd still probably claim Bill Gates remote-detonated a microchip in his bloodstream to do it