vestmoria

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3355635

long post

I'm reading "A Field Guide to Earthlings, An autistic Asperger view of neurotypical behavior" by Ian Ford, one of the final patterns: Why you will generally lose.

If you scroll back my history you'll find some posts where most of you believe I am on the spectrum.

I haven’t been diagnosed: Where I am it is extremely difficult to find a decent psychiatrist to do a test that would be several days long, are several miles away and have long waiting lists, but I do believe am on the spectrum. It's like the book I'm reading describes me. I really don't get neurotypicals and why won't they leave me alone, specially when I do leave them alone.

Back to the book: "Even if we could give up our strengths and go to the basest level of NTs in some areas (for example, abandoning our love of accuracy), that would still not enable us to adopt their strengths, such as sensory integration, and we probably would not be able to memorize their constantly-changing culture. So in that sense it is hopeless."

This is me. I love accuracy and I find NTs illogical, emotional and sometimes backstabbing, lacking authenticity. I like authenticity. It's also very tiring having to constantly guess what the person I talk to is going to understand of my message: the message itself or some odd interpretation of it that somehow attacks his self esteem. So tiring.

I've been accused behind my back of being manipulative, uncaring, rude, and also a sociopath. Once this impression is given, it is impossible to make people change their minds, including management. I usually don't fight it because, really, fighting gossip? that's sticking to 5 year old level politics and what's the point? The book I mentioned says enemies who don't fight will lose, but it's so tiring fighting every stupid thing (most of?) my coworkers think I am.

I don't know.

Then there is how most society constructs us: as people who WILLINGLY decide to want to be left alone and act antisocial, who feel above everyone else who NEED to be either ignored or must be molded to fit in, even if that's something they don't want, because that's what's good for them, just because that’s the extroverted neurotypical norm. They don't see introversion and solitude as self caring, but as depression, being an ass and being antisocial.

I'm living exactly this at the workplace and I hate it: I'm seen as robotic for doing exactly the same thing others do, but because they talk about inane stuff with management, they are automatically better than me. They never see me as solution oriented, eager to learn or concentrated on doing the task at hand. I'm always the odd one that lacks potential.

"If it is a setting where people are trying to be live up to high moral standards, you might just be the target of rumors; in groups with lower standards, the eviction or shunning could be more open and forceful. In either case, you lose."

yup. I always lose.

If you're a neurotypical and now you suggest this is my fault, I'm overreacting, it's not so difficult to do small talk, if I can YOU must can, and I have to fake being an extroverted ass, get bent. Would you change your whole personality just because society dictates you must? Could you live with yourself?

But, if conforming to a neurotypical extroverted model is out of the question, how do I live the rest of my life?

I don't mean the question as a financial one: I'm a RN quitting bedside who applied and got a job moving oxygen dependent patients that require monitoring between wards, so at least I'm not unemployed, don't have to deal with entitled patients complaining about cold coffee, not good looking cushions, lack of tv, what’s good to have sex with women… I've been promised uninterrupted 30 minute pauses and no night shifts. Hope it’s not a case of the grass is greener...

It's about what to think about society, because I always expected people to mind their business and leave me alone (because I leave them alone, I don't bother them), I never expected them to be this hostile.

My logical step now would be to become a misanthrope, but I don't know if that would be good or bad. It's not like I have a high opinion of mankind anyways.

long post

I'm reading "A Field Guide to Earthlings, An autistic Asperger view of neurotypical behavior" by Ian Ford, one of the final patterns: Why you will generally lose.

If you scroll back my history you'll find some posts where most of you believe I am on the spectrum.

I haven’t been diagnosed: Where I am it is extremely difficult to find a decent psychiatrist to do a test that would be several days long, are several miles away and have long waiting lists, but I do believe am on the spectrum. It's like the book I'm reading describes me. I really don't get neurotypicals and why won't they leave me alone, specially when I do leave them alone.

Back to the book: "Even if we could give up our strengths and go to the basest level of NTs in some areas (for example, abandoning our love of accuracy), that would still not enable us to adopt their strengths, such as sensory integration, and we probably would not be able to memorize their constantly-changing culture. So in that sense it is hopeless."

This is me. I love accuracy and I find NTs illogical, emotional and sometimes backstabbing, lacking authenticity. I like authenticity. It's also very tiring having to constantly guess what the person I talk to is going to understand of my message: the message itself or some odd interpretation of it that somehow attacks his self esteem. So tiring.

I've been accused behind my back of being manipulative, uncaring, rude, and also a sociopath. Once this impression is given, it is impossible to make people change their minds, including management. I usually don't fight it because, really, fighting gossip? that's sticking to 5 year old level politics and what's the point? The book I mentioned says enemies who don't fight will lose, but it's so tiring fighting every stupid thing (most of?) my coworkers think I am.

I don't know.

Then there is how most society constructs us: as people who WILLINGLY decide to want to be left alone and act antisocial, who feel above everyone else who NEED to be either ignored or must be molded to fit in, even if that's something they don't want, because that's what's good for them, just because that’s the extroverted neurotypical norm. They don't see introversion and solitude as self caring, but as depression, being an ass and being antisocial.

I'm living exactly this at the workplace and I hate it: I'm seen as robotic for doing exactly the same thing others do, but because they talk about inane stuff with management, they are automatically better than me. They never see me as solution oriented, eager to learn or concentrated on doing the task at hand. I'm always the odd one that lacks potential.

"If it is a setting where people are trying to be live up to high moral standards, you might just be the target of rumors; in groups with lower standards, the eviction or shunning could be more open and forceful. In either case, you lose."

yup. I always lose.

If you're a neurotypical and now you suggest this is my fault, I'm overreacting, it's not so difficult to do small talk, if I can YOU must can, and I have to fake being an extroverted ass, get bent. Would you change your whole personality just because society dictates you must? Could you live with yourself?

But, if conforming to a neurotypical extroverted model is out of the question, how do I live the rest of my life?

I don't mean the question as a financial one: I'm a RN quitting bedside who applied and got a job moving oxygen dependent patients that require monitoring between wards, so at least I'm not unemployed, don't have to deal with entitled patients complaining about cold coffee, not good looking cushions, lack of tv, what’s good to have sex with women… I've been promised uninterrupted 30 minute pauses and no night shifts. Hope it’s not a case of the grass is greener...

It's about what to think about society, because I always expected people to mind their business and leave me alone (because I leave them alone, I don't bother them), I never expected them to be this hostile.

My logical step now would be to become a misanthrope, but I don't know if that would be good or bad. It's not like I have a high opinion of mankind anyways.

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3347155

and what would be the point of lying?

I applied to 2 positions and got one. On both counts I shadowed for a day and was sincere.

Job 1 offered me a position I took.

Why I think the second job rejected me: I was assigned to 2 coworkers who started prying inquisitively about my job experience and expectations. I told them I don't want to go back home with back or leg pain or feeling broken, I don't mind doing my pause after 7 hours of working and not 4 but I actually NEED my pause, one every day, I also told them I don't live to work but the other way round (this is nursing).

Apparently they told management all this because during my interview with the c suite they mentioned what other coworkers think about me.

I still believe if you need a job, please do lie because you need the money. I was sincere this time because a union member told me to clearly state what you want in the beginning, so there are no uncomfortable situations afterwards.

I'm also a terrible actor, so maybe this was for the better?

This makes me value authenticity even more because one of those suites, a woman, used the strategy of faking being close to you (smiles, modulating her voice...) so you believe she actually cares about you so you let your guard down.

even though I got the other job it still stings because I was rejected for being authentic. Am I wrong?

So, in the future, do I keep being authentic or do I feed management BS? Feeding them BS always worked in the past.

and what would be the point of lying?

I applied to 2 positions and got one. On both counts I shadowed for a day and was sincere.

Job 1 offered me a position I took.

Why I think the second job rejected me: I was assigned to 2 coworkers who started prying inquisitively about my job experience and expectations. I told them I don't want to go back home with back or leg pain or feeling broken, I don't mind doing my pause after 7 hours of working and not 4 but I actually NEED my pause, one every day, I also told them I don't live to work but the other way round (this is nursing).

Apparently they told management all this because during my interview with the c suite they mentioned what other coworkers think about me.

I still believe if you need a job, please do lie because you need the money. I was sincere this time because a union member told me to clearly state what you want in the beginning, so there are no uncomfortable situations afterwards.

I'm also a terrible actor, so maybe this was for the better?

This makes me value authenticity even more because one of those suites, a woman, used the strategy of faking being close to you (smiles, modulating her voice...) so you believe she actually cares about you so you let your guard down.

even though I got the other job it still stings because I was rejected for being authentic. Am I wrong?

So, in the future, do I keep being authentic or do I feed management BS? Feeding them BS always worked in the past.

I need to learn to establish boundaries (work, family...).

I found a book, forgot the doctor's name but by the third paragraph he started mentioning the christian god.

hard pass. I want to learn about boundaries, not about your god.

asking because supermarket ran out of lemon soda.

I've never mixed both and I don't know if it's a good idea, due to taste and because apple juice doesn't have bubbles. Am I going to create a frankendrink?

I like tomatoes and hot food but I don't like to add much fat to my food, be it oil or butter. I won't use lard.

Am I going to ruin the sliced tomatoes by grilling them on a pan just with salt and pepper?

I'm talking about 4 to 6 regular tomatoes per serving, half an inch thick slices.

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/2749844

I don't know if I'm a low key alcoholic or so cheap because in my past I was homeless and dependent on the charity of (sometimes) strangers and feel I only "deserve" alcohol when it's on sale.

I know binge drinking is stupid, I know if I drink more than a pint of beer without food my stomach feels bad and I feel dizzy, but each time I find beer on sale I buy at least a 6 pack (6 pints). I then promise myself to drink it within several days, not all within 3 days, but something snaps in me each time I open the fridge and see all that beer. I sometimes drink 2 pints a day till I have no more beer.

The only thing stopping me from buying beer every day is the price: if beer is not on sale, I don't buy it.

Beer is the only alcoholic drink I buy, I cannot tolerate anything else.

There are much healthier alternatives there, like tea, milk or juicy fruits, but my brain still associates beer with a good time, which is very ironic, because now, after drinking almost a pint, I have a headache. It doesn't even taste as good as I thought it would.

Another thing that stops me from drinking more is reading about other alcoholics, their regrets and health issues, but my brain still "wants" the beer.

To be even more ironic, I usually run 2 miles and do some stretching and yoga before going to work, but yesterday and today I was so tired I skipped this routine and started drinking.

Am I a high functioning alcoholic?

How do I stop being so fixated on alcohol on sale?

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I don't know if I'm a low key alcoholic or so cheap because in my past I was homeless and dependent on the charity of (sometimes) strangers and feel I only "deserve" alcohol when it's on sale.

I know binge drinking is stupid, I know if I drink more than a pint of beer without food my stomach feels bad and I feel dizzy, but each time I find beer on sale I buy at least a 6 pack (6 pints). I then promise myself to drink it within several days, not all within 3 days, but something snaps in me each time I open the fridge and see all that beer. I sometimes drink 2 pints a day till I have no more beer.

The only thing stopping me from buying beer every day is the price: if beer is not on sale, I don't buy it.

Beer is the only alcoholic drink I buy, I cannot tolerate anything else.

There are much healthier alternatives there, like tea, milk or juicy fruits, but my brain still associates beer with a good time, which is very ironic, because now, after drinking almost a pint, I have a headache. It doesn't even taste as good as I thought it would.

Another thing that stops me from drinking more is reading about other alcoholics, their regrets and health issues, but my brain still "wants" the beer.

To be even more ironic, I usually run 2 miles and do some stretching and yoga before going to work, but yesterday and today I was so tired I skipped this routine and started drinking.

Am I a high functioning alcoholic?

How do I stop being so fixated on alcohol on sale?

I've seen several posts of people asking for advice on situations like this with so many answers suggesting OP to fight back, document and contact the union, but this seems too much work for an unconvincing result, because there is no way a manager is going to fire an employee or a clique for a "he claims she claims" situation.

Manager, employer, even the union, will listen to you, play theatrics and change nothing hoping you forget.

Walking away, while making you feel like a loser, seems to be the sane choice long term. Cliques are gonna clique.

Maybe you can think of a better way?

on my last thread somebody wrote that unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.

I'm guilty of this, I'm a nurse: after changing units an expectation was that the new one would be one where the physical workload would be evenly distributed. Another expectation and a promise from management was that my new unit would assign a nurse I'd shadow during my first days to get a grip of the unit. The third expectation was that I could do my job and use my downtime to learn.

None of these things are happening.

How do I stop having expectations?

ETA: A problem I see with this approach is: if every job turns out to be shit like this, why even bother? My new attitude should be go to work, work the least possible, fake it, play theatrics to do as little as possible, go home, get paid. No expectations = no disappointments.

But then, why even advance to ICU-nursing, get certifications or study medicine?

This is nursing, my 7th day of employment at a new unit. Coworker is in her early 60s on the fatter and smaller side, walks slowly, bouncing her whole body to left and right, is slow giving report, even though she has less patients than me and feels entitled not to deliver and pick up trays or drinks to patients, the whole 24 of them, looking for stuff to do at the computer when the time comes, conveniently sitting, while the rest of us do her effing job. Last time we had shift together I invited her to work with us, which she ignored.

I dread the day I have a shift alone with her with no helper. This unit seems to be perpetually understaffed: Normal seems to be 2 RN for the whole unit when there should be 3. If we’re lucky, we get a helper (not a RN).

On one hand I feel I should tolerate it because she is almost a senior and apparently is difficult for her to walk.

But this feelings of compassion disappear when I see her pretending to be busy while I’m moving patients, delivering trays, preparing drinks and sometimes feeding them. Her entitlement expecting I do her job no questioning it is what irks me the most. Employee me says escalate, make known this bothers me this much, but don’t know what an appropriate reaction to this looks like.

As said, I just started working there 7 days ago. She’s been at this unit much longer than me, which means management must know and tolerate this. Nursing is known for cliques.