this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon factory resets (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 10 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 117 points 10 months ago (10 children)

How do you accidentally have sex?

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 82 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You can’t tell me you’ve never tripped, fell, and found yourself having sex before? Duh. It’s like so common.

[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 89 points 10 months ago (2 children)

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It’s like a cartoon of my life!

… ok not really.

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 10 months ago

You’re not the guy pushing the service cart?

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 4 points 9 months ago

Man, MTV must have been so cool

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 5 points 10 months ago

Only ever happens to conservative men and only with other men.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 40 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Maybe he was lying on his back and a partner just got off and a woman saw there was an available penis and got on before OP could say "no hetero", and by then he felt it and decided to never say it.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"No Hetero" 🤣

Made me laugh way too hard.

I'm saying that to women that I just want a platonic relationship with now.

[–] Anamana@feddit.de 28 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
  1. Be at an orgy
  2. Have sex with someone you didn't intend to f
  3. ???
  4. Profit
[–] exocrinous@startrek.website 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"Damn bro that ass is tight af. I wonder what you look like with the lights turned on, you handsome boy."

"I'm a woman, anon."

[–] troybot@midwest.social 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] AlpacaChariot@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Haha thanks, I forgot about this gem!

Think it might be time to rewatch the office!

[–] Leviathan@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

Fiction

[–] isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 10 months ago

lots of alcohol I'm guessing

[–] lemurian_time_sorcery@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

how do you not

[–] general_kitten@sopuli.xyz 2 points 9 months ago

Lots of alcohol usually

[–] PoliticalAgitator@lemmy.world -4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Exactly. It's probably just a bullshit story to encourage gay people back into the closet.

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Why would this story compel anyone back into the closet?

[–] PoliticalAgitator@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It pushes the idea that gay people can be "cured" with straight sex, which was extremely popular with homophobes in the 80s and 90s.

[–] Obonga@feddit.de 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I see that people could get this idea and its worded like that in the greentrxt but people with half a brain would go: "congrats, you just found out that you are bi"

[–] PoliticalAgitator@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The fact that it doesn't reach that incredibly obvious conclusion just makes me even more skeptical. He specifically says he's straight now.

[–] Obonga@feddit.de 1 points 10 months ago

Well i guess 4chan is not a stranger to different kinds of phobias so your take makes sense