Look, I'm an autistic fuck who can barely speak to people, but even I've never considered coughing up blood as a conversation starter.
this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2025
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You're already messaging them. Why must you need to message them on Snapchat?
Never gets old
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When I was like 10 I remember reading advice in a body building magazine that has stuck with me ever since:
"Don't try to pick up girls, literally or figuratively, at the gym. Women don't feel sexy when they're sweating unless they're already naked."
ask them to undress before starting the workout.
got it.
And every time I mention the fact that there are no places anymore acceptable to ask a woman out besides the bar (not much of a drinker, also not abstinent) or online (I don't even social media):
Some dickhead: Just get a hobby bro, go to the gym!
no.
I never tried to impress women at the gym when I was single. I go to the gym to focus on self improvement. I do not like talking to other people when I’m there. I do not like looking at other people when I’m there. I also know that women at the gym mostly loathe men trying to pick them up there. So basically if you’re at the gym you’re a dude to me. And if you’re a dude don’t talk to me.
Confirmation that the term dude means men as well as women
I’ve always used dude as a gender neutral term. I call my wife dude.
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In high school I had a crush on this girl who had something on her Facebook about really liking gummy worms. I read that, thought "this is my in" so I bought a bag of gummy worms. Honestly, not a bad plan. Next time I saw her, I pulled out my bag of gummy worms and ate a couple.
Did I offer her a gummy worm? No. I was under the impression that she'd see me eating them and say "hey, you like gummy worms too?" And then we'd start chatting and [something] and then we'd start going out.
Well, clearly it wouldn't work. You should instead act like you hate gummy worms and give them to her to get rid of them.
And theeeeennnn...?
He developed a gummy worm addiction and became morbidly obese, leaving the work force and receiving a disability pension.
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The correct assumption when you see frank red blood on exertion is either lung injury/infection/cancer or terminal alcoholism. It's usually the later.
Latter*
Also, don't forget the ever fun Mallory-Weiss tears if your sudden exertion involves something like jumping, or, since it's also associated with heavy alcoholism, after a long and good barfing session.
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Wow, it took until their second sentence before they demonstrated how completely unhinged they are.
well I mean if she left even without notifying staff or anyone that is a pretty clear red flag but then again so is spurting fake blood to get attention. so maybe they would have made a nice match.
They both dodged bullets.
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This guy who was a *lot bigger than me
10/10 game
Yes? Show the other replies please.
The Nickelodeon show makes so much more sense now
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