No Stupid Questions

You need better friends. It sounds like you're probably fairly young. Dunno if that's true, but young people can be real shitheads who talk about each other behind their backs. I did that when I was in my teens and maybe early twenties. If that's the case, know that most people grow out of that phase. If you're older than I'm guessing, maybe try to explore how to make friends with people who are more mature. I'm afraid I don't have pithy advice on that.

You can believe that people stuck in wheelchairs deserve equal access to public spaces via accommodations like ramps or elevators, and still hate Ted, who happens to be paraplegic, because he is a hateful, racist, fascist MAGA jerk. In this case, your shunning of Ted is not ableist because the reason you treat Ted differently is unrelated to his disability and you are well aware of the fact. He doesn’t get a pass for things unrelated to his disability.

However, if you are aware of someones disability and treat them prejudiciously because of it (or it’s symptoms) then you are the ableist jerk. If you are the one with a disability and people treat you in a prejudicious manner because your disabilities or their symptoms, then they are jerks and not friends.

Yes, what the fuck

Come on guys, this is bait. Lmao

If they do it because of someone's disabilities, it's ableist. If they do it and someone happens to be disabled, but that's not connected, it isn't. This sounds like it is about the disabilities, though. And be aware there is more than ableism, people can be assholes, cruel... as well. And all of the bad behaviour can mix.

It's ok to dislike someone or not want to be their friend for any reason, but that doesn't mean it's okay to be cruel. Everyone deserves rights, that's what rights are.

Yes, its ableist. Excluding, insulting or discriminating against people for disability is basically the definition, reguardless of what they claim. Saying they're not ableist doesn't change it, any more than saying something like, "I'm not racist, but..."

A woman tried to beat me up because of my disability and currently hates me. Rather than talking to me, she wishes death on me because of my mental issues (learning disability and social anxiety). She is currently ignoring me, but threatened me and is trying to figure out ways to hurt or kill me. She is supposedly “great” and “helpful”, but horrible to people like me, and only great towards people without my issues. Those who are “normal” are treated with all the kindness in the world.

I think it’s reasonable for someone to get frustrated when someone has a disability, but only if that frustration doesn’t negatively affect one’s behavior. First and foremost, the disabled person deserves to be treated and respected as a person.

When someone says TO SOMEONE ELSE they hate the fact that you can’t pay attention, maybe they’re only venting, or making a reasonable complaint. Are they still friendly on other occasions? Then your friendship is worth enough to them that they’re willing to tolerate the drawbacks. It may not seem like it at first, but that could be more of a compliment than anything. Actions really do speak louder than words.

The “jump off a cliff” remark is concerning, though. That’s not an okay thing to say, or even think. I’d recommend avoiding that person - but who’s telling you this shit? Are they a reliable source? How trustworthy can they be if they’re spreading nasty gossip about things that were said to them in private? It’s possible that they’re lying, or exaggerating.

Give people some slack, but not so much that you’re letting them treat you badly. Friendships are valuable. Don’t let the bad overshadow the good. Nobody, no matter how “perfect” they seem, has infinite patience. They also can’t possibly know what it’s like to be you.

Sometimes Mrs Bizzle will give me a hard time about how I can't hear. It's shitty 🥲

I think there's going to be a lot of nuance to the answer. Is it the disability itself they don't like or behavior peripheral to it but which exacerbates the problems?

Old people develop physical disabilities, and even though they get shit on around here a lot because of inaccurate assumptions about how they voted or whether they've owned a home, they should be shown compassion and patience for their disabilities. I recently went on a day tour where the description was very clear that there would be this much walking over uneven surfaces and this many stairs, etc., and still some people held up the whole tour for several minutes wanting to stay on the bus when the bus was supposed to be driving off somewhere else entirely. The whole tour plan was to take the bus out and walk back. Their disabilities came into play but it was the context of them ignoring that they couldn't do what was required. They should have signed up for a different tour.

I had a friend with a deaf roommate. I learned some sign language and tried to get to know them. It turned out they were a pretty selfish person who didn't want to do any of the household chores. Fine, nothing to do with being deaf. But this person would also answer the phone when I called but not be able to understand anything well enough to take down a message. That's very frustrating behavior related to their disability but worsened by some other problems with their personality. This was back in the time of land lines, and the apartment had an answering machine shared by everyone.

Does someone who acts like a total asshole, diverting every conversation to niche topics only they find interesting and saying many careless and rude things, deserve some slack because the root cause has been diagnosed as an official disability? Sure, I think that's fine. But people are still going to get frustrated by it and sometimes leave that person out if they aren't in the mood for a social battle. They shouldn't be relaying suggestions to jump off a cliff, but I could still see those people being allies of the disabled overall, if not perfect in their execution.

Yes and these people should not have kids. They would probably disown their child for having a disability and are only kind to neurotypical people

This post is very specific to your anecdotal experiences

Everybody deserves kindness, compassion, and empathy.

Ableist people also include people that idealize not being ableist. They come up with excuses like, "I'm not being ableist, I'm just giving you hard love!", or, "You need to do what I say and do it exactly how I say because I care about you!".

There was a reddit thread on the frontpage recently where many people were dog-piling on a severely disabled person. The person was diagnosed with moderate autism with intellectual disability, a severe heart condition, severe PTSD, and ADHD.

Many people came into the thread to say that OP was making up their disability, that OP should be institutionalized if they can't comply with the unreasonable (and harmful to OP's health) demands from their relative, they accused OP of being a troll because their doctor wouldn't give them bad advice (OP bought $30 dollars worth of alcohol every couple months to entertain with friends with their doctor's blessing), they shamed OP for not getting a job when they can barely stand up on their own two feet (and OP's doctor/therapist/psychiatrist say OP can't work), and so forth.

OP's aunt was fining OP (who is on a limited income of $1000 a month and charging OP $500 a month for rent) $200 dollars for every instance of them not doing their chores exactly how their aunt wanted and behaving in the way that the aunt wanted. OP was a formal tenant, and living in a split unit and was mostly independent, though unable to do things like take out the trash. If OP reached fines totaling $2000 dollars, OP's aunt threatened them with institutionalization and/or homelessness.

Commenters said how sick OP's story made them (the sickness being directed towards OP), how bad they felt for OP's aunt, they commented how OP's aunt's demands were completely justified because her resentment built for many years from "putting up" with OP, they said how disgusted they are were at OP's "laziness", and many chimed into to say how they are also disabled and OP doesn't deserve special attention or care because OP is a grown adult. Most repeating constantly that they weren't being ableist.

Some people even coaxed OP into detailing their sexual relations with others, while questioning OP about their heart condition.

It was truly heartbreaking to witness an incredibly vulnerable person being abused to that degree by their relative and hundreds, if not thousands, of redditors. OP eventually deleted their reddit account.