The Onion

Ate the onion.

So… if I want my son to be spared from the draft all I have to do is give him a traditionally masculine name like Kelly, Courtney or Ashley?

You got me. It's just so plausible at this point, I ate it.

Sponsored by Lindsey Graham.

I ate it. It tasted like... fascism.

Well, my daddy left home when I was three
Didn't leave very much to my mom and me
Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that my daddy ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me Sue

They can come to canada to serve

Whats hilarious about this is that senior commanders would be more likely to have “girls” names considering names tend to flip back and forth gender-wise. Any young Lindsay you meet today will likely be a girl, meanwhile you have old dudes like Lindsay Graham in the senate

Leslie is another one

Are you the guys on the beach who hate everything?

Brb, changing my name to I can avoid getting drafted

(Kinda wished this was real, that'd be an epic uno-reverse)

There's gotta be a Jody joke in there somewhere

We're looking at you Terry