Last time I gave a fuck was when I were with your wife

Anyone who spends more on a watch than a car has poor money management. Fuck, what a waste. There's no way any watch is worth more than $1000 other than for clout which is stupid.

Holds up wrist sporting a Casio F-91W "Al-Qaida"

Big deal... This watch also costs more than my car.

A new London bus costs around £300k, so whilst is plausible that the watch cost more than my 'car', it's a pretty stupid way of spending that amount of money...

Do you say shit like that because nobody can tell the difference between your watch and a cheap one?

Do have some other investmentadvice I shouldn’t heed?

My car was a present, any watch costs more than my car

So being rich is a fairly new thing to you? What are you gonna do when you get used to it?

"Does it keep better time than my 15 dollar digital Casio? Is it sturdier? Will it last longer? Is it more comfortable? No? So you spent a ridiculous amount of money to buy a less functional watch made out of precious essential materials just to try to impress people like me?"

Honestly though, if you want to piss watch people off, just say "Oh, it looks just like a regular watch, thanks for pointing it out".

I mean it's one car, Alec. What could it cost? Ten dollars?

"Okay?"

I am not a friend of clever comebacks. People who point these things out are pathetic and people who get triggered by that only slightly less so.

All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"

Verbose disses only work in rap

"Oh, you could only afford one watch?"

"Good for you. Have a cookie. My $20 Casio tells the time just as well."

Damn thats a cheap watch, is it Chinese too?

I guess it's true, money can't buy taste.

Fun fact: Alec Baldwin's character was invented for the movie to provide exposition. The filmmakers didn't trust movie-going audiences to pick up the information from the three conversations that occur at the beginning of the play.

Does your watch get good milage?

Why the fuck would I drive a watch ?

Great! Does it help you with not shooting people as well?

-"What time is it?"

"Hey what time is it? Im suppose to meet up with some friends later."

"You should have saved up a bit more and bought something less gaudy"

A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.

You gotta understand this proving your worth by buying ridiculously expensive shit and then bringing attention to it is an attitude of "new money"

Rich people who have been rich for generations will have the same time piece but they will not even think about it. It's granted to them, part of their life that they would never question. Like you putting on socks.

And that is the attitude that new money cannot understand. Hell that's kind of what the great gatsby is about, new money just not getting that the expensive shit is just more furniture.

So the most frustrating thing to this mindset is to treat it as no big deal, or even weird that they would bring it up which really it is

If only you had learned to tell time.

The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

I don't have a car

I don't care to respond

I don't mind sounding poor.

Wealth beyond what is good for you is no better than theft I'd say. Buying expensive watches while little children grow up in poverty is nothing to be proud of. If anyone should feel shame it should be that guy. Don't be humiliated by such shameless assholes. And don't try to counter attack, It won't work, they don't share your values, they feel no shame for the things that they do. Instead let's organize and fight them where it hurts. Taxes, taxes, taxes.

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

You spend this much money for a watch that can't even turn a deer into roadkill? Your loss.

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

What's my motivation? Is there a reason why I'm listening to Alec Baldwin brag about his watch? What's stopping me from simply walking away?

"that's cute!"

Can your watch play Bad Apple?

Can your watch run Doom?

Can you install Arch on that watch?

...

... didn't think so 😛

You paid all that money for a watch that can't do ANY cool stuff? You utter loser 🤣 🤣 🤣

Sounds like you got ripped off

"I don't have a car"

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.