(Minneapolis, MN) As Americans come to terms with another violent shooting of children in out country, many are relieved to hear the recommended period of reflection and grieving has been released on the day of the incident. The US DVA has declared that every American should think about the shooting - which reports three children dead and 18 injured - once a day for three days, but continue their prayers for a total of 40 days. While some are concerned with the brevity of the period of thought, most agree that the period of religious observation is extremely appropriate, given the age of the victims and the religious setting of the tragedy.
“Questions have certainly been raised about the brevity of the thoughts,” said a spokesperson for the agency, “but when a president can limit discussion of his involvement in the Epstein files to only five days, three days is a very generous number.”
Americans agree. Nancy Stracker, a kindergarten teacher outside of Chicago, said, “I can’t stand to even think about something like this happening to the children in my class… better to forget it as quickly as possible and hope the problem goes away by itself.” This helpless apathy is reflected around the country; Leo Stubgetter, a cow detangler in southern Idaho, says “I want to focus on the transgender part of the shooting, not the dead children. More than three days of that would make me almost too sad to hate.”
When asked what could be done to help limit gun violence in America, gun advocates point out that the shooter was transexual, and hope that changes the subject. While no federal agencies focus on white people with firearms, there is a growing call to limit their use by anyone not identifying with their original gender, and gun advocates agree that somehow, by preventing this one shooting using legally purchased weapons, these sorts of tragedies would still happen, but we could stop discussing this one.