this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2025
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..yes? That's what you have to do. Maybe she says no. Maybe she says yes. Doing nothing definitely won't get you anywhere.
The issue is the "always works for me", the same way an old white man is going to have a lot less trouble with the police or telling a handicapped person to just walk the stairs because it "always works for me".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_bias
If she says no it doesn't come without consequences. You can't talk to her anymore without it being awkward, and if she's part of a larger friend group you're in the embarrassment is even worse.
You're overthinking it. I know because I do the same. But realistically most women are quite relieved when you can take a kind "no" in stride because the bar is so low in this regard.
That's something to work on. You're not immutable.
If you accept rejection with dignity, it's not that big a deal. Don't be a creeper. It's not that embarrassing. And if your friend group is cruel about it, that's good to know. They'd be assholes in that case, and you probably want to find out they're assholes in a low stakes situation.
If you've asked in a friendly way, without putting stress on her, and accepted the 'no' without making a fuss and in the same friendly way, it doesn't tend to cause difficulty in my experience.
glad for you
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
I also made most of those shots I didn't take
In my mind
~~Wayne Gretzky~~
Michael Scott
I asked a girl out once...she said yes. But it was touch and go there for a while before I asked. And let me be clear, I do not look like this guy. Still solid advice tho.
Why doesn't she have to ask me out? That doesn't seem very equitable.
Nobody has to ask anyone out, its not compulsory. Women do ask potential dates out, so do men. Its pretty irrelevant who the one doing the asking is - the point is not to put the onus on one gender but that if you - whoever you are - don't ask, then you'll never know.
She could ask you out. But if you just wait you're giving up your initiative. Use your agency.
Exactly. I'm a dude and my SO all but asked me out (asked for my number and whatnot). At some point someone needs to take initiative, and the sooner that happens, the better it is for everyone, so it might as well be you, regardless of your gender.