The lighter side of ADHD
Because it was taken from us. We used to divide labor, taking care of the home was considered a full time job for 1 adult.
Now here we are. Where it now takes 2 incomes, or frankly more, to raise a family and have a home. Now you have no time to do anything and purchase more expensive convince items to try to claw back time.
1 income should be enough if they want us to start having kids again
The trick is to live in a big public space together with all your friends and share the labor, the rewards, and the love. Then reap genuine enjoyment and physical/emotional growth from the work you're doing while you support others doing the same.
The problem is when you forced to compartmentalize the tasks, with the expectation that "exercising" and "working" and "socializing" and "eating" and "cleaning" are all distinct activities you micromanage. Living together with people you enjoy spending time around goes a long, long way towards killing many birds with few stones. Then making and eating and cleaning up food isn't something you do distinct from hanging out and relaxing. Biking around gets you energized and sends you where you need to go. Many hands make light work of seemingly onerous tasks. Hell, sharing a shower with your partner(s) can be as intimate as it is efficient.
But all of this is predicated on a foundation - social roots you build up over years/decades. Every time you change schools or look for a new job on the other side of the country or having a falling out with family/friends or switch housing leases because the rent went up or chase a new zip code because the school your kid goes to sucks or watch a close friend or old neighbor do the same, it fucks everything back up to square one.
People who have this close-knit, long-term social circle and don't need to constantly uproot themselves can "do it all" easier than the folks who are told to endlessly hustle in search of that next nut.
Translation: people that aren't forced to live in isolated boxes and work in isolated boxes have better lives
Too bad the only way to achieve this currently is joining a fucking cult
A fucking cult you say? 👉😏👈
Not a bad idea actually. "Join my cult, it's just a social club I swear 😅"
It doesn't help that I don't particularly like most people I meet and living with or close to anyone other than my own family has been hell everywhere I went.
The "exercise" part for most of the world just comes from the fact that every trip isn't just a walk to your mobile couch that takes you to another place with static couches.
I swear to god though. I'm not "weak" everywhere. The small muscles I use to move the mouse on my computer, shake my leg all day sitting because I don't want to sit, move my foot to drive, they are all MASSIVE for their size.
I'm so exhausted from trying to NOT move my body all day that I'm way too tired to do actual healthy exercise. Yoga, helps but it's just a means of keeping things from getting worse. If I could avoid all those awful things I'm sure yoga would improve things over time. But 90% of waking hours are forcing me to hurt my body.
For every 1 time I remember to squat instead of bend my back there are 100 times I'm too focused to get distracted for 30 minutes at how I need to do better.
We aren't.
I cook, my husband cleans. So we both eat. Cooking for everyone else so I do remember to eat too.
I work out because I prioritize it. Same with sleep. Let other things slide if you have to, I promise they won't slide as bad as if you don't work out and sleep.
We have someone come and clean every other week so it doesn't get too far out of control.
And not good at keeping up with people, oh well. I'm not really someone who collects people like that, though I have some friends who do, so got collected, lol. But we have parties once in awhile and catch up at those, or at least hang out.
I lost my job a few months ago and so I’ve had an inordinate amount of free time and it made me realize the same thing. Even with essentially infinite time I can’t get everything that needs to be done, done.
Your time may be endless but your fatigue level won't care.
great quote!
"Things that need to be done" is a gas-state that grows to fill the volume of time that you have.
It's impossible because we are social animals. We are evolved to live in tribes and extended families. We are trying to achieve things alone that our ancestors achieved in groups of up to 100 people. Rugged individualism is killing all of us.
Fuck them normies! One task per day only gang for life!
I don't. I don't take showers. And stopped going to the gym cuz no time.
We don't. For a couple of years I am working in organizing my life much better, but it is still not possible to do everything.
Split the house chores between a partner, meme and doom scroll social media while at work, exercise at home or nearby. Don't have the energy to keep in contact with most people all that often though. Get what sleep I can.
And always always always poop at work
The best way to manage life is to just rub one out to extreme German pornography every time you complete a task.
Is rubbing one out considered completing a task?
Depending on the method it may be considered exercise.
Apart from what @hayvan@feddit.nl said, it's also important to understand how a human brain works.
Massively oversimplifying, you have a "primate" brain, good at complex and novel things like logic, casuality, motivation etc; and a "reptile" brain, good at just keeping you alive by repeating the same thing over and over. Crucially, the primate brain takes up a lot of energy and other resources when it works, so your reptile brain will shut it down wherever possible. The trick is to use your primate brain to form habits by repetition, which the reptile brain will pick up, because that's literally the only thing it's good at.
To form a (good) habit, you need three things: first, motivation. You need to understand why doing some action is good for you. Second, a trigger - some concrete event that "breaks the flow" of your life, e.g waking up, coming home from work, or just a loud alarm you set on your phone; this is needed for your reptile brain to wake up your primate brain so that it could use the motivation you have to force your body to do something. Third (and this is the hard part) repetition. If you force yourself to do the action every time a trigger occurs, your reptile brain will eventually start catching on. Remember, it is wired to simply repeat what you have been doing before, because you've survived up until now so it must be a good thing to do. This can take different amounts of repititions depending on various facrors, somewhere between dozens and hundreds. After that, you will start doing the action almost automatically when the trigger happens.
E.g. I exercise when I take a break from work in the middle of the day. To do that, I forced myself to do exercise whenever I took a break for like a month. Now I get this natural urge to do push-ups when I stand up from my table :)
Yeah, the “reptile brain” vs “primate brain” is 1960’s science. And disproven. I wish people would stop saying it.
Not only that but difficulty building habits is literally a symptom of ADHD.
Call it what you want, the man has now a craving for push-ups
I stand corrected.
Now imaging having children on top
We dont but if you spend your life energy at a company, they are very grateful and you may get a watch after 30 years of service.
"Here's all the time you'll never get back. Now shoo so we can pay someone younger less money to do your job."
Who says people do? My house is clean and I spend a lot of time with my friends. But I still don't have the time to work out and I haven't worked for 4 months.
Do at least two at once
Have enough space
Use company time to do all of them
Nothing about the American lifestyle helps with any of this.
What you describe is accurate for non-wealthy, mid-class and above.
It's working as designed.
It's hard. And it's an ultra-nightmare setting playing irl with ADHD on.
It's even worse when you have one or more small children. When they're awake they need most of your attention and when they're asleep you can finally try to undo all the chaos they wrought.
I exercise at work during lunch. It's really hard to get motivated every single time, but always worth it.
Cook with the kids as soon as we get home. Multitasking is actually good decompression for me.
Have to shower before bed or I can't sleep.
Cleaning the house is a constant unfulfilling battle that I haven't figures out yet.
Friends visit often, but also disc golf has been a great way to goof off in the woods regularly.
Actually it's because there are days I do absolutely absolutely nothing. That is how I recharge to prepare for the next set of active days.
I think most people don't. I live in a small house with my wife, no kids, and even that gets overwhelming somehow. Some days are just lost to work, cleaning, and maintenance.
We do aim to have at least a couple of days a week where we don't have to do anything at all. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, it doesnt take long for burnout to set in.
Don't watch tv or play video games. Shit post online while "at work."