this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2025
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TranscriptionA Twitter post from Matt @mattxiv with a text that reads “sometimes when i'm bored i wander into the weird parts of etsy to see what straight people are up to.” The picture below shows a hand holding a keychain with a penis-shaped cutout that says “Thanks for not pulling out!” There are 3 sperm-shaped cutouts attached with the names Ryver, Brynlee, and Emersyn.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 14 points 15 hours ago

Just yells mallcruiser “trashy.” Saddling kids with messed up name spelling, trashy dick and sperm keyrings(?), plus a trashy comment on the inability to figure out how to stop popping out kids (though that’s probably ~~dick~~ tongue in cheek).

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 29 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

What is it with Americans needing to put Ys and Xs where they don't belong?

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

We’re not all like that. And the rest of us mock them mercilessly.

I know you're not all like that. My partner is American and none of our brood has names like that but her siblings both have children with unnecessary Xs and Ys in their names.

[–] HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world 27 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

We gotta be Unyq at all costs

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 7 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world 13 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

I have met 2 La-a's (pronouced: Ladasha / Latasha)

[–] jaupsinluggies@feddit.uk 1 points 47 minutes ago

Part of me hopes this is both tragic and clever in that something happened to Lapasha, and the next will be Laquasha, but somehow I doubt it.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 11 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

good lord. Straight-up pun names

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

I just understood the prononciation for the first 🤢 / dash.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

Well branle (branler / branlé) is french slang for either getting a beating or wanking so maybe thats "y".

[–] Kellenved@sh.itjust.works 20 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

The proliferation of the letter Y is a danger to our democracy

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 7 points 16 hours ago

In french we call it "greek i", so considered a danger to democracy is especially ironic. I suspect that was on purpose, but cannot tell for sure

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 42 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

I'm sorry. Emersyn? Sounds like someone wanted to spell Amazon.

[–] ysjet@lemmy.world 5 points 6 hours ago

There's actually another company that's even closer, Emerson. They make shitty walmart tvs and other electronics.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 33 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (6 children)

There's so much wrong with this.
Firstly, pulling out isn't birth control.
And shouldn't what you do together be consensual, so why thank him after the fact, as if you didn't know if he'll pull out or not?
And one sperm does not represent one child.

edit: there's a very creatively named sub on reddit that deals exclusively with over-the-top kids names, if only I could remember it. The names seen here are harmless in comparison.

[–] InFerNo@lemmy.ml 4 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 1 points 5 hours ago

Ah, thanks. That one doesn't even have a Y in it, but there were plenty of running jokes how to turn every name into a tragedeigh with a few simple tricks, including Ys.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 43 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

It makes more sense as a Father’s Day gift, where the kids are thanking him for not pulling out. (Which is not birth control.)

But then it’s even more disgusting.

And oh god the names of the kids.

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 6 points 20 hours ago

The letter Y is sometimes a consonant, and sometimes a vowel, so they probably got a good deal on them. Or we've found the Time Travelers, and they were most recently in Maedeval Englynd. I have no better explanations. Also, pulling out is NOT birth control.

[–] myster0n@feddit.nl 14 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

They could've gone with "thanks for not cumming in mom's chocolate starfish that night"

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

A friend of mine once told someone that their dad should have pulled out and cum in their mother's eye...but he was too cheap to pay for it. To this day it remains one of the most savage things I've heard IRL.

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 11 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

And one sperm does not represent one child

This is such a common trope and I hate it so fucking much

🎶 every sperm is sacred 🎶

[–] Icytrees@sh.itjust.works 5 points 17 hours ago

Knowledge of sperm teamwork is a threat to individualism.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 2 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I'm confused. Are you saying multiple sperm fertilize an egg? Or are you just upset that the egg is left out of the equation?

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 6 points 14 hours ago

The latter. A sperm only provides 50% of the genetic information

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 8 points 21 hours ago

Howany sperm do you think it takes to fertilize an egg?

Also, you're ignoring the most egregious part of this, which is the childs' names.

[–] GorGor@startrek.website 6 points 21 hours ago
[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 10 points 18 hours ago

Fucking weird man. Some people can't stop thinking about their dads semen and their mom's uterus.

[–] Default_Defect@anarchist.nexus 15 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

What if he did but his pull out game is weak AF?

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 18 hours ago
[–] callouscomic@lemmy.zip 17 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Imagine a trauma-free enough childhood to want to thank someone for griefing you with life.

I can't.

[–] adhocfungus@midwest.social 1 points 17 hours ago

!2meirl4meirl

[–] ethaver@kbin.earth 4 points 16 hours ago

but are you ready for Jizzy Jewelry?

[–] BadJojo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 21 hours ago

Missed opportunity for "welcum".

[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 21 hours ago (1 children)
[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 1 points 4 hours ago

It is. A trashy joke.