this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024

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Anon owns a pair of cursed jeans (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 9 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[+] ma1w4re@lemm.ee 109 points 9 months ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (3 children)

[deleted]

[–] Fosheze@lemmy.world 68 points 9 months ago (3 children)

After I got my gallbladder out the nurse in the post op room told me that I should take a laxitive because they didn't want me straining to poop.

Well let me tell you what you definitely don't need immediately after getting you gallbladder out or for the next several months, if you guessed a laxitive then you'd be 110% correct. Holy shit it was bad. I didn't even take the full dose. Just one fucking pill and I couldn't so much a sneak a squeak for the next 12 hour without completely spray painting something. My gut is thankfully back to normal now nearly a year later but I still can't bring myself to trust my farts. I've never so much as had a close call since then but I just can't bring myself to trusting my ass. It burned that bridge.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 25 points 9 months ago (2 children)

interesting. After my gallbladder removal, I didn't have any trouble.

The only thing they said to me was "you'll notice it if you eat anything super fatty"

[–] Fosheze@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I live right next to the state specifically known for producing the most and largest variety of cheeses in the world. I'm not going to let something as minor as some cataclysmic gastric distress get between me and my processed milk fat.

Joking aside my shits were apocalyptic for like a month after I got my gallbladder out regardless of what I ate. But my body is used to a very fat heavy diet and the doc told me my gall bladder looked like it had been fucked up for a while. So my body was probably overcompensating a bit on the bile.

[–] gaael@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago

I live right next to the state specifically known for producing the most and largest variety of cheeses in the world.

The French: are you living next to us?

[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee 8 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Wait what?

When I eat anything fatty. Like sausages. I shit my guts out. Is my gallbladder fucked?

Most things are fine e.g. a steak or olive oil. But not fatty meats and melted chess and some other dairy

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 9 months ago

Could also be food intolerance for some ingretient.

The gallbladder itself isn't super neccesary, as it only stores some extra bile in case more is needed. The bile itself is produced by the liver. That's why you will notice its absence when you eat something very fatty (bile is used to break down fats).

Could be worth talking to a doc about. Checking your gallbladder for abnormalities is probably not much more than an ultrasound

[–] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 9 months ago

i stopped eating grains and nightshades, that did the trick. yeah, you need to change something.

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 9 points 9 months ago

Not gallbladder but my recent surgery they put me on a bunch of laxatives and softeners after, also for straining reasons. It took me five days before I pooped and it was an absolute landslide. I remember being super drugged, exclaiming to whoever was near me "I just had the riskiest fart in the world I need to get to the bathroom right now"

[–] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 6 points 9 months ago

when i was in icu after a majour accident, they gave me a laxatative a couple of times. its was incredibly painfull in a shit related way. your insides feel like you ingested a bucket of tabasco sauce.

and try shitting when lying prone in bed.

the whole thing is so traumatic that all shame is out the window when they have to clean you up afterward. i mean, i had like a bedpan, but that thing would overflow and what not.

AND i was in pain because of the accident. i pooped midday, slept till evening to eat something, slept till next morning, it was this exhausting.

[–] Buford_T_Justice@reddthat.com 6 points 9 months ago

I call those the safety farts.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

Ive reached an age where I simply cannot trust a fart. I can be 99% sure its a fart, but Ill still hold it until I get to a dunny and play the porcelain tuba.

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 104 points 9 months ago (7 children)

I'm regularly surprised by how many people manage to shit themselves, and how it's common enough that people have a casual laugh over their "shat myself" stories. I feel left out. I laughed so hard I peed myself once when I was 5?

[–] EnderMB@lemmy.world 37 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I have IBS, and while I've had many close calls I can proudly say that I've never shit myself. As someone that's basically a flight risk for accidental pooping, as well as having heard these stories before in-person, I often wonder if more people have stomach/bowel problems than they'd like to let on.

[–] KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 9 months ago

you've jynxed yourself and i kind of hope you shit yourself now just so i can say "shouldn't have shitposted about it" in response.

this might be my most elaborate shitpost yet.

[–] BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee 3 points 9 months ago

i left work right after clocking in because a fart felt like pushing out more than just air. so embarassing

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 28 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I sneezed and shat myself the other month, maybe you're young or maybe you've got a good bowel sytem.

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 14 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I coughed, burped, and sharted simultaneously a while back. It was disorienting and I felt violated

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

If you time it right you can hit the ceiling with those

[–] cheddar@programming.dev 27 points 9 months ago

and how it’s common enough that people have a casual laugh over their “shat myself” stories

That's how we deal with the trauma.

[–] lepinkainen@lemmy.world 24 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Never trust a fart.

[–] psud@aussie.zone 3 points 9 months ago

So say keto dieters

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 16 points 9 months ago

Clearly you're all blocked up. You should eat more fiber.

[–] Chev@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago

OP has a gaping asshole.

[–] nomous@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

Drink way too much cheap liquor and you too can have the opportunity to shit yourself the next day.

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 41 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I was almost at work when I sharted.

Thought, well, "oh shit" lol. But I was like "OK, get to work, immediately to toilet and alls good."

My desks in a corner and none of my team were in that day. Can't get rid of the smell totally but it won't be terrible and I'd be well away from everyone else.

Then I have to go upstairs and spend the day in the very small secure room. Obviously the super cute girl I have a crush on is also working in there that day.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 11 points 9 months ago

That would have been a good time to go full commando.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 31 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I hate myself for wanting to know how the interview went

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 34 points 9 months ago (1 children)

shitty

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 9 months ago

But did they get the job?

[–] BallsandBayonets@lemmings.world 29 points 9 months ago

It's not the jeans that are cursed...

[–] TwigletSparkle@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 9 months ago

Dude accidentally bought the +2 Jeans of Cure Constipation

[–] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 19 points 9 months ago

dont eat stuff that makes you fart to much or lets you have stomach aches. its stupid.

[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 18 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Is everyone in this comment section on a fiber only diet?

[–] psud@aussie.zone 2 points 9 months ago

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3435786/

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 17 points 9 months ago

a curse upon my anoose

lmao

[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 13 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I get really upset stomach when I travel. And I have a 6 hour train journey just today. Is the universe trying to tell me something?

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's telling you, "bring an extra pair of pants."

[–] Tja@programming.dev 4 points 9 months ago

Brown ones.

[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee 4 points 9 months ago

Drink peppermint tea.

[–] halvar@lemm.ee 12 points 9 months ago

Why is it always the shitting anonself greentexts that get me?

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

Consistent loss of bowel control is a medical emergency. Think nerve damage