this post was submitted on 13 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 21 points 10 hours ago

A lot of teenagers that have had to be in the grocery aisle are very grateful.

[–] entwine413@lemm.ee 59 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

That's the same energy as flour companies making floral patterned burlap bags during the great depression because people were using them to make clothes.

[–] s_s@lemm.ee 1 points 1 hour ago

You can't store flour in burlap bags LMAO.

Do you know what flour and or burlap is?

But yes, flour sacks were a popular source of clothing, so the flour companies printed patterns on them.

[–] tuxiqae@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 9 hours ago

Wasn't it the other way around? I was certain it was: Floral patterns > clothes > mills kept on using those

[–] misteloct@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Nobody: There's no such thing as picking a perfect Lemmy community

OP:

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 24 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

So they also double as dildos?

[–] barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 2 points 2 hours ago
[–] Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 27 points 8 hours ago

Not much gets by you, does it?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 7 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

hornyI use plastic bottles as dildos, so it's doable. With a lot of practice, you can even use 500ml+ bottles, some even going up to 1.5l. I really need to get a 750ml one, since going from the 500ml to 1l directly is not feasible.

[–] Luffy879@lemmy.ml 10 points 9 hours ago (3 children)

Why do I have the feeling you will end like the jar man, but instead the label will peel off and you will get poisoning from the glue

Even more hornyAlso how the fuck do you manage this? I can't even get a 2 cm thick oval thing in there without it hurting like hell

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 3 points 38 minutes ago

Practice. A lot of practice.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 5 points 8 hours ago

it hurts so good

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 3 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

now you all have got me

horny

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 7 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

But they don't double as double ended dildos.

[–] FourWaveforms@lemm.ee 11 points 13 hours ago

That's quitter talk

[–] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 69 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

They gon' introduce a dragon scent next?

😏

[–] notabot@lemm.ee 27 points 18 hours ago

Not a particularly good one...

[–] UxyIVrljPeRl@lemmy.world 156 points 20 hours ago (4 children)

Flared bottom would have made it 450%

[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 7 points 8 hours ago

Without a base, without a trace

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 81 points 20 hours ago (15 children)

Yeah, all I see are embarrassing trips to the ER.

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 45 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I was uhhhh…trying to shampoo myself REALLY well.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 24 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

the shower didn't have a place for me to put it

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[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 26 points 20 hours ago

And what if they had a "vibrate" function. You know, to get the last bit of shampoo out easier.

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 108 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

"So you slipped in the bathroom... and fell on top of the shampoo bottle?"

[–] davepleasebehave@lemmy.world 58 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Million to one shot Jerry!

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[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 26 points 20 hours ago

No, actually I was bored.

[–] benni@lemmy.world 36 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

Is this AI generated? It's reached a point where I cannot even tell anymore.

[–] hopesdead@startrek.website 7 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

I’ve seen a British comedy that had this as a joke. But the movie was a sleezebag of a comedy. All about a dude that works at a grocery story at night, gains the ability to freeze time and messes with the women he sees shopping. I am glad I can’t remember the title.

[–] Ageroth@reddthat.com 9 points 9 hours ago

Cash back
The dude who can freeze time (framed as him imagining) isn't the one adding dildo shaped shampoo to women's grocery carts to see if they'll buy it when the get to the checkout. He just uses his time powers to, ahem, artistically admire women's naked bodies when they're grocery shopping and unaware they're being the subject of his drawing

[–] tomenzgg@midwest.social 4 points 12 hours ago

I watched a recap of that on YouTube, one time; sleezebag is right.

[–] Th3D3k0y@lemmy.world 22 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] bacon_saber@fedia.io 7 points 15 hours ago

Availability: Out of stock

[–] Geetnerd@lemmy.world 37 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

No joke, I have a very close friend who is a vagabond. It the most literal sense of the word. He has no permanent residence.

I love the guy, he's a great friend, loyal, dependable, trustworthy.

But, I've heard that people have found objects beneath the couch he crashed on with... certain matter on it.

Hey, I'm not judging, but at least you could take that with you, or wash it off.

[–] JudahBenHur@lemm.ee 26 points 19 hours ago (7 children)
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[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 17 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

That ain't no lemon shape that I've ever seen.

[–] Thadden@lemmy.world 9 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

There's even kinkier stuff...

[–] yumpsuit@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago
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