this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2025
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TranscriptionA Twitter post from Matt @mattxiv with a text that reads “sometimes when i'm bored i wander into the weird parts of etsy to see what straight people are up to.” The picture below shows a hand holding a keychain with a penis-shaped cutout that says “Thanks for not pulling out!” There are 3 sperm-shaped cutouts attached with the names Ryver, Brynlee, and Emersyn.

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[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago (5 children)

What is it with Americans needing to put Ys and Xs where they don't belong?

[–] HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world 30 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We gotta be Unyq at all costs

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I have met 2 La-a's (pronouced: Ladasha / Latasha)

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 13 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

good lord. Straight-up pun names

[–] jaupsinluggies@feddit.uk 1 points 1 day ago

Part of me hopes this is both tragic and clever in that something happened to Lapasha, and the next will be Laquasha, but somehow I doubt it.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

I just understood the prononciation for the first 🤢 / dash.

I have no idea. I'm just as mystified by this.

[–] albbi@piefed.ca 2 points 1 day ago

Reminds me of this scene from LA Story which is a 33 year old movie now.

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

We’re not all like that. And the rest of us mock them mercilessly.

I know you're not all like that. My partner is American and none of our brood has names like that but her siblings both have children with unnecessary Xs and Ys in their names.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Well branle (branler / branlé) is french slang for either getting a beating or wanking so maybe thats "y".

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 47 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I'm sorry. Emersyn? Sounds like someone wanted to spell Amazon.

[–] ysjet@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

There's actually another company that's even closer, Emerson. They make shitty walmart tvs and other electronics.

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago

Just yells mallcruiser “trashy.” Saddling kids with messed up name spelling, trashy dick and sperm keyrings(?), plus a trashy comment on the inability to figure out how to stop popping out kids (though that’s probably ~~dick~~ tongue in cheek).

[–] Kellenved@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The proliferation of the letter Y is a danger to our democracy

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 7 points 2 days ago

In french we call it "greek i", so considered a danger to democracy is especially ironic. I suspect that was on purpose, but cannot tell for sure

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 33 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

There's so much wrong with this.
Firstly, pulling out isn't birth control.
And shouldn't what you do together be consensual, so why thank him after the fact, as if you didn't know if he'll pull out or not?
And one sperm does not represent one child.

edit: there's a very creatively named sub on reddit that deals exclusively with over-the-top kids names, if only I could remember it. The names seen here are harmless in comparison.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 44 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It makes more sense as a Father’s Day gift, where the kids are thanking him for not pulling out. (Which is not birth control.)

But then it’s even more disgusting.

And oh god the names of the kids.

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 6 points 2 days ago

The letter Y is sometimes a consonant, and sometimes a vowel, so they probably got a good deal on them. Or we've found the Time Travelers, and they were most recently in Maedeval Englynd. I have no better explanations. Also, pulling out is NOT birth control.

[–] InFerNo@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

Ah, thanks.

[–] Credibly_Human@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Why are you taking a gag gift so seriously?

It wouldn't be funny if it didn't subvert expectations by being ridiculous.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 1 points 15 hours ago

It wouldn’t be funny if it didn’t subvert expectations by being ridiculous.

It's funny because it's totally ridiculous, but I don't think the creator intended that by intentionally "subverting expectations".

[–] myster0n@feddit.nl 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They could've gone with "thanks for not cumming in mom's chocolate starfish that night"

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

A friend of mine once told someone that their dad should have pulled out and cum in their mother's eye...but he was too cheap to pay for it. To this day it remains one of the most savage things I've heard IRL.

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 11 points 2 days ago (3 children)

And one sperm does not represent one child

This is such a common trope and I hate it so fucking much

🎶 every sperm is sacred 🎶

[–] Icytrees@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago

Knowledge of sperm teamwork is a threat to individualism.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm confused. Are you saying multiple sperm fertilize an egg? Or are you just upset that the egg is left out of the equation?

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 6 points 2 days ago

The latter. A sperm only provides 50% of the genetic information

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

Howany sperm do you think it takes to fertilize an egg?

Also, you're ignoring the most egregious part of this, which is the childs' names.

[–] BigBananaDealer@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

lemmy discovers dirty jokes

[–] callouscomic@lemmy.zip 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Imagine a trauma-free enough childhood to want to thank someone for griefing you with life.

I can't.

[–] adhocfungus@midwest.social 1 points 2 days ago

!2meirl4meirl

[–] Default_Defect@anarchist.nexus 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What if he did but his pull out game is weak AF?

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago
[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Fucking weird man. Some people can't stop thinking about their dads semen and their mom's uterus.

[–] BadJojo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 days ago

Missed opportunity for "welcum".

[–] ethaver@kbin.earth 4 points 2 days ago

but are you ready for Jizzy Jewelry?

[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 1 points 1 day ago

It is. A trashy joke.