this post was submitted on 13 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 12 points 3 hours ago

A lot of teenagers that have had to be in the grocery aisle are very grateful.

[–] misteloct@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Nobody: There's no such thing as picking a perfect Lemmy community

OP:

[–] entwine413@lemm.ee 40 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

That's the same energy as flour companies making floral patterned burlap bags during the great depression because people were using them to make clothes.

[–] tuxiqae@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 hour ago

Wasn't it the other way around? I was certain it was: Floral patterns > clothes > mills kept on using those

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 16 points 7 hours ago (3 children)

So they also double as dildos?

[–] Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 11 points 1 hour ago

Not much gets by you, does it?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

hornyI use plastic bottles as dildos, so it's doable. With a lot of practice, you can even use 500ml+ bottles, some even going up to 1.5l. I really need to get a 750ml one, since going from the 500ml to 1l directly is not feasible.

[–] Luffy879@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 hours ago (2 children)

Why do I have the feeling you will end like the jar man, but instead the label will peel off and you will get poisoning from the glue

Even more hornyAlso how the fuck do you manage this? I can't even get a 2 cm thick oval thing in there without it hurting like hell

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 1 points 9 minutes ago* (last edited 8 minutes ago)

now you all have got me

horny

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

it hurts so good

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 5 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

But they don't double as double ended dildos.

[–] FourWaveforms@lemm.ee 9 points 5 hours ago

That's quitter talk

[–] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 61 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

They gon' introduce a dragon scent next?

😏

[–] notabot@lemm.ee 22 points 10 hours ago

Not a particularly good one...

[–] benni@lemmy.world 31 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Is this AI generated? It's reached a point where I cannot even tell anymore.

[–] hopesdead@startrek.website 5 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

I’ve seen a British comedy that had this as a joke. But the movie was a sleezebag of a comedy. All about a dude that works at a grocery story at night, gains the ability to freeze time and messes with the women he sees shopping. I am glad I can’t remember the title.

[–] Ageroth@reddthat.com 6 points 2 hours ago

Cash back
The dude who can freeze time (framed as him imagining) isn't the one adding dildo shaped shampoo to women's grocery carts to see if they'll buy it when the get to the checkout. He just uses his time powers to, ahem, artistically admire women's naked bodies when they're grocery shopping and unaware they're being the subject of his drawing

[–] tomenzgg@midwest.social 3 points 4 hours ago

I watched a recap of that on YouTube, one time; sleezebag is right.

[–] Th3D3k0y@lemmy.world 19 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] bacon_saber@fedia.io 6 points 8 hours ago

Availability: Out of stock

[–] UxyIVrljPeRl@lemmy.world 145 points 13 hours ago (4 children)

Flared bottom would have made it 450%

[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 1 points 33 minutes ago

Without a base, without a trace

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 74 points 13 hours ago (14 children)

Yeah, all I see are embarrassing trips to the ER.

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 40 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

I was uhhhh…trying to shampoo myself REALLY well.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 22 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

the shower didn't have a place for me to put it

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[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 23 points 12 hours ago

And what if they had a "vibrate" function. You know, to get the last bit of shampoo out easier.

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 95 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

"So you slipped in the bathroom... and fell on top of the shampoo bottle?"

[–] davepleasebehave@lemmy.world 51 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Million to one shot Jerry!

[–] bananasuit@lemmy.world 9 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 56 minutes ago)

Hey, Assman!

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 25 points 12 hours ago

No, actually I was bored.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 16 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

That ain't no lemon shape that I've ever seen.

[–] Thadden@lemmy.world 7 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

There's even kinkier stuff...

[–] yumpsuit@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago
[–] Geetnerd@lemmy.world 35 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

No joke, I have a very close friend who is a vagabond. It the most literal sense of the word. He has no permanent residence.

I love the guy, he's a great friend, loyal, dependable, trustworthy.

But, I've heard that people have found objects beneath the couch he crashed on with... certain matter on it.

Hey, I'm not judging, but at least you could take that with you, or wash it off.

[–] JudahBenHur@lemm.ee 24 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Geetnerd@lemmy.world 14 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Like I said, he's a great guy, otherwise.

But he could show some common manners and clean up after himself.

I've never seen it, personally, but heard the tales.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 11 points 11 hours ago (5 children)

Since he's a close friend, maybe let him know?

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